Does this circle end....

Here's the thing....

I am tired and cranky.. its not going away... I think that the change has to be drastic, Life changing, prolific....

Things change, people change, ideas change....

I've changed...

The school thing...

Hmmm... K... My six are home schooled. This past year was awful... boring... mind numbing... Awful..

I gave up on Big Dog at the end and my mom took over by sitting at the table with him and doing everything but holding his pencil and writing for him... He needed promptings EVERYDAY EVERY TEN MINUTES!!! the other kids Ms. Prim, Proper, and the monkey. Were okay if they had no writing to do.. and basically they absorbed what we read but how much can you read and how much are they absorbing when mommy is fumbling the book over the nursing babe and stopping every ten seconds to drag the toddler off the TV stand?

It was frustrating.. it was annoying, and i don't think the information was presented in an effective manner...

Better luck this year right?


Well here's where my little circle of thought begins....

1. (as the children all bicker about something absolutely minuscule or i have to do something that a five year old should be capable of doing on her own) THATS IT!!! They all get signed up for public school! They go on the bus at 8am return home at 4pm and i will have 8 hours a day to parent the other two... to get organized, clean the house.... I can do everything for them... put out there clothes, bake things for there lunches...... SHOWER!!!!

2. But really (after one of them smiles at me) Its Big Dog that is the hardest to teach. He believes the grass is greener on the other side and he wants to be a person separate from his family. He wants to have peers to "hang out" with, have sleep overs, and do things... He needs that freedom. 8am HE gets on the bus and at 4PM hopefully he comes home...... I could make him his lunch and do his laundry, like its done anyways...


3. (The wheels in my head begin to turn a little faster) Then the younger 5 are home.... then i think well Catherine wants to go and Jacob needs some identity outside of being Graces pet so maybe they should go... I cant honestly bear to send Grace... When she was public schooled she cried everyday, begging me not to drop her off... and she has no desire to repeat that.. but if three were in school and she was home with the babes and me, then she would feel left out, that the other kids had peers she doesn't...

4. Then theres the school itself.... PJ day, Rider, day, hot dog sales, donation please... terry fox, money grab... Field trip.... money grab... Field trip... government sanctioned required education hours, money grab. money grab. money grab... Corporate your not my friend but i had to invite you birthday parties, peer pressure, drugs, sex education, money grab ... UUUUUGGGGGHHHH...

5. I don't want to send my daughters there!!! then I look like some sexist hick who "only sends her boys out to get an education".

6. Hell i don't want to send my boys there either.... they don't need to associate with THEM... They are just fine at home..

7. Do i believe that? I am a great teacher until it comes to the important stuff ... like reading... Jake is almost 7 and doesn't read... grace was 7 and went to school for two months and they had her reading... they accomplished more in that eight weeks than i had in a year at home... Maybe she wasn't ready... maybe i wasn't a good teacher...

8. Am i a sell out if i put them in school? Will i regret it when they grow up "if i could have just stuck it out through those hard times i could have succeeded in schooling them myself" I hate everything that public school is about.. conformity, immunizations, broad spectrum curriculum, DUMBING IT UP!

9. (the thoughts haunt me) My kids are annoying! They are LITERALLY latched on 24 hours a day... they sleep in my bed, cough in my food, wipe there noses on my shirt. They bath with me, breath on me, watch me pee, and i'm pretty sure (although they wont admit it) are using my toothbrush! I need some space... I'm a wee bit crazy....

10. This is just a phase and God will answer my prayers to guide me.... he will let me know (hopefully soon and hopefully VERY CLEARLY) what needs to be done....

11. The kids are bickering again.... See number 1.

And so this circle of thought continues all day and night long..

I tend to fixate on things until i have them figured, only then can i move on... That is so frustrating!!!

Any thoughts on what to do here people? I was considering using the blender to drown out the bickering when I'm in the kitchen but they figured out how to turn it off...

When i leave the room they follow..

I'm lost.. help me out here people... A friend told me i need to find something just for me... but that doesn't work... if i have to be somewhere at a certain time, i can guarantee wither vomit or a fever. A particular day... say Wednesday.... might as well rename it meltdownday....

I don't thing that's it.....
 See number one...