Friday, December 30, 2011

I waffle...

The past few weeks have not gone well. Perhaps its the season, the weather, the decision to move from here, the first 12 weeks of pregnancy... Whatever the excuse I am burnt out...

Its not just the past few weeks it seems like our home schooling year as of yet has been a bust. My six and 7 year olds are not reading. Not for lack of there enthusiasm but for lack of me being present and available to teach and read with them. By the time the chores are done ... the days gone.. I'm exhausted, angry and moody. They are bored and all fighting for my attention. Home schooling it not always so simple and glamorous.

So I waffle...

Pros to sending them to school this coming semester in January...

-Get rid of all the home schooling clutter.
-Save 70 a month from Time 4 Learning.
- More time with JBear and Birdie. Concentrate on preschool.
- Easier to shop/ go to town.
-They would have the opportunity to learn more.
- They have an opportunity to meet friends and do fun things on a daily basis.
-Their teacher wouldn't be mean to them.
-Its just plain easier to let someone else do it.


The Cons to sending them...

-Their schedule.
-Would miss them.
-They are behind.
-Likely to have to pick them up if they are sick. (more outings)
-Constant asking for money (book orders, Field trips, tuck shop, charities)
-They would have more influence outside the home than inside it.
-Not here for outside chores.
- Constantly asking to hang out with friends.
-I'm a failure to Superman... Nothing new there i guess..
-Birthdays parties, cost and driving etc... Disappointment and resentment if i say no.
-Will have to admit my failure... again...
-Would have to keep all my problems about public school systems to myself.
-The kids might get bullied and there will be no one there to help them.
-Taking the bus.
-Concerts, assemblies, etc...
-Making lunches ( the nut free crap)
-The sent free crap
-The regulations and double standards.
-Peer pressure.


I am so burnt out i don't have any idea what to do... I go to my room and sleep most days for a little while.. Which i have never done before so i attribute that to the pregnancy maybe... I am angry, 98% of the time... My children fall and hurt themselves and i look at them with uncaring eyes and say "your fine get up and go play...." Not feeling like a great mother right now. Really that's all i want to be and i am failing and drowning in it.... SO what can i do... I don't see waking up tomorrow and having it be any better without drastic change... Ohh i will miss them if i send them. I will have horrible issues with control not knowing what they are learning or how their friends are influencing them.

I'm lost and I'm to tired to go looking for myself....

When Superman was here he said he loved me because i am so smart and so beautiful... I just need to learn i cant do it all... Well... beauty is fleeting.... and smart? I was extremely smart when i was 20 (not in my personal decisions but book smart) Now... I need a calculator for the easiest of equations, I am scattered, our home is unkempt i cant make a decision to save my life, every things changed... If it continues on this path i should be a drooler by the time I'm 40...

Is this motherhood?


Friday, December 16, 2011

Our year in review

Our year in review...

Our life here on the farm gives us the ability to do pretty much whatever we want. This year we attempted to farm... We planted 900 fruit trees, bought 9 cows, 12 sheep, and 180 chickens, Bought a acreage size older tractor, sprouted and planted out $120 worth of seeds. The spring was very busy indeed... Now as fall is upon us, and as this year comes to an end its good to take stock... We now have 1 cow (three went to auction and 5 died, needless to say don't buy day old calves from a commercial dairy), 8 sheep(there were a few casualties), and we have 0 chickens (absolutely our fault... we were totally unprepared) of those 900 trees NONE survived after being plowed into the ground by our tractor that has only run twice... I was able to preserve 5 jars of pickles and 2 of tomato sauce from our garden this year. The previous year I had a much better haul.

This year has been plagued with failure and has been very very hard on our marriage. Superman, Nate Dog, and Ms. Proper were baptized in August and we have been going to church ever since. This has brought about many changes in our home both good and sometimes hard. I am obviously delighted that they chose to be baptized, it has however been trying on our marriage to watch so many couples in the church be so organized and together and able to survive on nothing, when we scrape by on a very good salary and never see each other. Its obviously the way we budget and the things we spend our money on but it gets spend none the less... Money is a big bone of contention. The other large "bone" is the churches view that the father leads the home.. This is obviously true but in applying this to our home it has made things worse... How can anyone manage a business if they are never there? How can anyone follow the rules set forth by such a manager when they just don't work? He sets a gas budget and we can barely get to church and the mail once a week on it... i digress... Its not about blame its about change...

Now let me just say.. I am very angry.... be it hormonal or not I am one seriously angry lady... I need change in our life. I NEED to not be this person anymore.. I NEED to improve our marriage... I CAN NOT through another winter in this province. I CAN however be a good mother and take care of my children. I CAN school them and tend to our home without a problem . I CAN take charge and get them to help me more.

Change

... I choose not to speak of my husband anymore. Whenever i speak of him it turns into negativity and I need no more of that...

.... I will not set forth to do things i expect to fail at.... This will be hard because honestly i expect to fail at everything. I think for me this will mean making a realistic plan, pricing it out, being honest with myself about the amount of work it includes and the amount of help i will need, and THEN deciding if there is a likely rate of success before taking anything else on.

... I will get my home and children under control. We lack structure, routine, time management. We need to get a schedule that is both realistic and doable by all involved. It is MY job to RUN our home and that is something i seriously need to work on.

... I will STOP dwelling on all the stupid decisions that we have made up to this point and start making GOOD decisions, well thought out both parties on board decisions. No more... Well You made that decision NOT me.

... I will only take on today... I carry the whole world on my shoulders i worry about college, retirement, our next home, the end of the world, funeral costs... I need to work on today and that's it.


to be continued.... duty calls....

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Festivities....

So Superman was home for his week off and we had a birthday party for The Prim (6) and Monkey (7) all went well. 16 children from three families and six adults, life is good. We went to church, had our tithing meeting, had the van in to the shop for lack of rear heat, I had a day out to finish my Christmas shopping and buy some maternity clothes (that was awesome), Superman took some of our cows and tack  to auction, all in all it was a very productive week.

This week is something different.... J Bear got sick Tuesday and vomited all over Superman (i laugh under my breathe because its funny that it has taken six children and 10 years for him to be vomited on) Tonight Ms. Proper came down said "I'm sick i need a bowl" i handed her one and she started to vomit (nice girl to contain it like that) Then as i am trying to convince her that its okay to sleep with a blanket and the gravol should help, from behind me Birdie (or in this case the exorcist) explodes.....

Thankful my water storage is topped up because I will be washing many floors and doing lots of laundry this week...

Might I add that we all get deathly ill EVERY CHRISTMAS!! I don't know what it is!!! Next year i should start them on immunity boosters as soon as fall hits and see what we can do to end this cycle...

Will post some pictures soon.... The house will be done this week, I'm just ten weeks and still i look like I'm about 4 months pregnant (my body obviously knows what its doing) the kids are all doing well except for being sick. Nate Dog has spent the past three days outside working for the siding guys, doing cleanup and being there Tool hand. He is hoping they will be generous when the time comes to pay him... I hope so too... He has really put in a full effort, not complained bout the cold, laughed and learned from them... Hes doing a great job.

More to come

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Pregnancy WEEK 8

So in having Six children i realize that 8 weeks is NOT a lot of things.... Its not worth a picture to show you how I'm "Showing". Its not counting kicks and telling you heart rates... with 200 some odd days ahead of us in this pregnancy it seems a long way off to D-Day.. But I'll tell you as a mom of many its not long off at all.

Now is a time of sickness for me.. But i will honestly take this over the third trimester any day. Some cramping, food aversions, nausea, and lightheadedness are what are days currently bring... Moodiness and tiredness plague our days but really its not so bad.

I have an Ultrasound Thursday to rule out Ectopic, due to past pregnancy. Once I see this little one in a good place, with those heart chambers swooshing blue and red, my heart will be set at ease. I will be calm....

Two more sleeps!!

Pregnancy is a fascinating time. I always change every pregnancy, i am a different person every time.. I have been the extreme natural pregnancy lady, the give me drugs and lots of them pregnancy lady, the ignorance is bliss pregnancy lady, the i only eat fruit because everything else makes me sick pregnancy lady. I have done henna on my belly, belly casting, tattoos while pregnant(i didn't know i was pregnant at the time).I have had natural births, epidurals, a long list of drugs, pitocin inductions, natural Castor oil inductions. My labours have been from 2 days to 30 minutes (that one was the best.. thanks goodness for my Mother that day). My husband has been by my side(once... but he compared me to a bovine so he doesn't get invited anymore) and my Mother the other five, My aunt was with my once.. for the most natural and most active of them..

My point... This is exciting! Each pregnancy is different, each birth is different. Each baby is TOTALLY different and each grows into a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT person...

I believe that every experience builds our babies... I cant wait to see what kind of baby the next 7 months will build!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

And the beat goes on...

Our Christmas tree is up.. Our stockings are hung and it is still November. This is the earliest we have ever put our tree up but with Superman off to work until Christmas it was our only chance to do it "as a family". It looks very festive. This weekend marked the children's primary presentation in Church. It was a lot of fun. The kids all remembered their lines and all smiled at the crowd before them. It was so nice to see them up there, participating.

Things are getting done... Some days i feel like wow... I organized that whole room, other days i think wow... i didn't even brush my teeth today. Its a toss up as to what will come each day. With Superman home he fixed our only toilet, Installed a baseboard heater into the room with no heat, had snow tires put on the van, went to the doctor with me (bonding time), and i believe today he is setting up the animal waterers for the winter months with heaters and such... So that has been productive. We did the major building for our Bookcase to kid kitchen makeover (the little ones Christmas present) I am painting it with melamine but Superman cant stand the smell so i have to wait until hes back to work to finish that.

I am feeling tired (week 7 ) a bit nauseated (not too bad) and a whole lot disorganized and discouraged....Its hard to keep up with all the fighting between the married folks around here... always about money and each others lack of communication and follow through... He is home for only a few more days and then its back to the solo gig... I am hormonal and right offended at his rederick... grrrrr.... grrrrrr.. grrr....


Considering finding a job... to "help out" what a joke that would be.... hey maybe Tim Horton's would hire me? Ridiculous!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

A quickie but a goody!!!

I had planned to keep a secret until much later when i was sure that everything was perfect... but if you know me at all ... there's no perfect and i find it agonizing to wait for anything... So ....

Despite all my hormonally raging recent blog posts...

We are expecting!!!

I am due July 14th 2012. Which makes me just about 5 weeks...

Now this is obviously early to be jumping for joy but we have been waiting for so long and i feel like things will be alright... ( I had an eptopic pregnancy before J-Bear and was given a Methotrexate injection to "reabsorb" the fetus. I was 9 weeks at the time) I am feeling fabulous. Of course i have many many plans... Right now I am just happy, Superman is happy. The kids are happy.

Please pray for us.  Thanks

Cat

By the way there is a new ticker to help guide my progress. We will keep you updated!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

NOVEMBER 6th 2011.. The FIRST snow fall!

I am AMAZED it hadn't snowed earlier. The year i had J-Bear it snowed on October 12th. Every other year since we have been in Saskatchewan it has snowed on Halloween. So the lack of snow this year has been delightful. However it began to snow last night and has yet to stop.

I attempted to take my trusty Econoline filled with children to church this morning.... We packed cinder blocks in the back... a shovel.. a jack... and our emergency kit... JUST IN CASE!

Well... It took me almost an hour to drive 30 kms.... that's 15 out and 15 back home... Gramma took the truck and Big Dog (i love 4x4s) in instead (to pick Mrs. Proper up from a slumber party), then she will pick up Milk and Bread for the week and head back here.

I think we are going to be housebound for a while. I will put Snow Tires on the Econoline and hopefully that will make a difference, but she was slipping all over the place! ... I am still a lot shaky from my accident last year, so the snow makes me very apprehensive about driving.. I don't mind being home when its cold outside.

Hoping all of you a good Sabbath Day. Drive safely!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Renovation updates Day 4!!!

These folks at Price- Rite Building are efficient... they have done in four days what we could never do.. PERIOD!


 West side garage, South side


North side garage


North side


North side


Fascia 

The East side


East and South side


It looks great, they are kind. Dont mind the kids watching them.. Its so comforting to know that the house will be warm this winter... No frozen floors, no snowing indoors... Hopefully no frozen pipes... (unlikely but i can dream)

Friday, November 4, 2011

Why does reality bite so hard??

Today was a busy day...

Woke up.. took a pregnancy test... NEGATIVE AGAIN!! woo hoo... Not meant to have a baby in July it seems.

Mom hauled wood and garbage from her place to our hole while i cleaned the yard and removed a post so i could back the truck close to the barn. By 2 o'clock we were both sore and tired. But since it is supposed to snow tomorrow we still had more to do. We hauled about 200lbs of grain from our bins into the barn so that when it snows we can still feed our cows and sheep.

Mom donated a cast iron tub from her recent renos, so we put that in the cow pen and i will hook it up this weekend.

The kids were outside all day other than a few hours of school this morning, they played in the sand, rode the quad, rode in the back of the truck, helped with the grain. I was exhausted.. them.... apparently not so much because it took until now to get them to bed! GRRRR!!!

So I was supposed to start my PRIDE training tomorrow. Of course i'm not going because EVERYTHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG...

Yesterday the truck broke down, so we replaced the battery and poof she rides again.

The week that Superman was home he told me .... and I quote " This is why i don't want anymore kids" in response to a screaming fit of Birdies because she didn't want to sit in her car seat on the way to church. " We need to get control of our own before we get anymore"..

At first i was Sad... then enraged that he thinks i am such a bad "child tamer" when hes gone. Then as the days progressed i switched back and forth between sad and mad about it.... I settled on sad..

Sadly hes right...

I hardly find time to school them let alone school any more
I hardly find time to read to them... to teach them to read... to bake.... to sleep... to bathe... to get them to lessons....

I don't work outside the house... I don't have anywhere to be other than here and i am so unorganized and tired i can barely get dinner on the table...

Hes right.....

I suck at this mom thing... No wonder i'm not getting pregnant.... God sees my failures from the last six and vows never to make that mistake again...

WELCOME TO MY PITY PARTY... FREE REFRESHMENTS..

I cancelled the PRIDE course and my babysitter. Remind me in future to not even go there about adoption.... Remind me that my parenting skills are lacking... that I am me.. not Supermom.

I think that's it... I want to be "that woman" but i'm not her. I'm disorganized, I'm a clean freak in a house that is never clean, I have obvious control issues and parent with 100 % emotion...

I'm sure my children will turn out alright....

but now i know that i wont be bringing any other children into our home unless by Divine intervention.

As I cry over my keyboard i am obviously not okay with that statement. But life is what it is. So if not more children then what does the Lord have in store for me?

In the near future i see a lot of tears but beyond that.... the Lord only knows.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

BY THE WAY...

54 SLEEPS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!!

Renovation update!!!

WOO HOO!!!!

I awoke at 6am to a group of men laughing outside. Its our DEMO crew!! They are taking off the stucco today!! I will take many pictures!! I will have a beautiful house soon!! I am so thankful, so happy, so excited! I cant wait to see how it turns out. I cant wait to see what a difference it makes in our power bills and the heat consistency during the winter....

We are a giant leap toward a finished house!!

in case you missed my excitement... WOOOOO HOOOOOO !!!!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Inked..

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
 11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
 12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
 13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
 14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
 15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
 16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
 17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
 18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
 19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
 20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
 21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
 22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
 23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
 24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
 25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
 26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
 27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
 28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
 29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
 30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
 31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.





Now I know that  LDS women (and men for that matter) don't usually get tattoos. But I will put it this way. I felt the need to remind myself on a continual basis why I am here. This Bible verse helps me to remember not to feel sorry for myself that my husband works away from home  and is absent  more than he is present. It helps me to  be strong. To remember that there is more that just the days to dos in store for me. That Heavenly Father loves me and that  one day my children will rise up and call me blessed and my husband also. It is a constant (being on my left forearm) reminder, whenever i do a dish or load the washer, clean a wound  or change a diaper i remember there is a plan for me.

And i believe that its between me and Heavenly Father. So if you disagree with my choice that's between you and Heavenly Father.

Blessings to all
 

A chance to blog.

Ahhh..
Here we sit at 2am.. The cough has over taken the littlest and she hacked her way to vomitting about half an hour ago. So a bottle of juice and an episode of the backyardigans on Netflix is the best medicine i can provide. Poor baby I myself have hacked so long these past few days that i felt like vomitting but never actually did. She will heal and be back to her old self soon i'm sure.

Today was a good day. We attempted to burn off some weeds in the yard but found it was to wet. So we weeded a whole lot of garden and piled it to wait for Superman to burn while hes home next week.
It was nice to get something done in the yard! It was a beautiful day. At 15 degrees no one on the Saskatchewan prairie can complain at this time of year. Apparently it is to be like this all weekend, then return to prairie weather by monday.

Every year on Halloween since we have been here (2007) it has snowed. It will be our first year if it stays nice this year that the snow stays away all the way into November. Heres hoping!

I have to say the days here have become very busy (not that they ever aren't) our week is full of "things"

Monday- School
Tuesday School, Big Dog Scouts in Regina, Ms.Proper Young Women's in Regina Bi-weekly.
Wednesday- School, 1 Pm Horse back riding for Big Dog, Ms. Proper, Monkey, and the Prim.
Thursday- School, Beavers for Monkey and the Prim, Cubs for Ms. Proper, and Big Dog is an Activity Leader for their Beaver Group.
Friday- School.
Saturday- Major House cleaning.
Sunday- Church in Regina.

Now that is of course a perfectly executed week. Put Doctors appointments, Dentists, Food shopping, outside chores, getting Superman to and from the airports and all the other things that life brings. I have been finding it very hard to keep it together.

Never before have we had to BE SOMEWHERE so much. I am hoping that as the weather grows colder our "Other stuff" will settle down and we can concentrate on the Scouts and Horseback riding while it lasts. We have been very lacks with the School so far this year. I usually don't get to serious about "book work" until it gets cold out.. It just usually gets cold a lot sooner. So we have been soaking up the suns rays while they are accompanied by green grass and light breezes as opposed to blankets of snow and harsh winds.

Heres hoping all the days are well with all of you and that you are all finding your rhythm in these beautiful Autumn days.




   One of the fabulous places we visited at the beginning of the month on our Vacation to BC.
The beautiful Pipers Lagoon.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Sickness...

It began with the dear Birdie getting a runny nose, then a gooey eye... Then J-Bear followed withe the same... Then the Prim with a cough and nightmares.... Monkey with a cough... J-Bear still sick began coughing and then..... then....... I got sick!!!

I never get sick!!!

I have the gooey eyes and everything! Sore throat... Cough that wont quit. Its not fun. I have a Vick's humidifier running 24/7, Buckley's (the kid stuff) for the older ones and Tylenol for the younger.

Some good things have come from this... Birdie can blow her nose on her own now and she is yet to be two. J-Bear has slowed down a bit the past few days which has been delightful for me.

O crud.... somebody just hit the floor... rolled out of bed....


 One day i will get this Blog up to date...

Have a good night!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

It was my birthday today. I am 30 now. Hmm... Time sure flies... I had a wonderful birthday. Big Dog made me breakfast, and lunch and DINNER! The rest of the kids made me pictures and gave me hugs and kisses all day. What more could i ask for!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Space clearing... and a little prayer...

I worked on the laundry room yesterday and managed to fill 3 large Black garbage bags with clothes for the Salvation army, then i still had some energy and a need to keep moving (I'm sick this week but i know if i just loaf around and lie down it will linger, so i am trying to power through it) so I took on the linen closet.... Now i say "closet" But its actually more like half my bedroom. We love blankets and sheets around here! I managed to fill two large black garbage bags from that area, I also was able to remove one of the dressers that housed all these linens and put it in the garage.

Then around lunch time Superman and I took J-Bear into Toys R Us and he picked out a wooden train for his birthday. We took Superman to the airport and had a cup of tea and cookies. Then we bud farewell to daddy for another long stint. When he left he was telling the kids 14 sleeps and i will be home but by the time he caught his connection in Calgary he was mentioning that since he gets 3 weeks off around Christmas (just the way the schedules worked out) that he should probably stay in... So its probably more like 5 weeks or 35 more sleeps until daddy comes home.

That's life!

I have made some assignments for myself while he is gone... I need to gyprock the one bare wall we have and mud and tape all the drywall i have done up to now (kitchen, living room, patching most rooms) and i also bought some grout to re grout our bathroom vanity.
All of that along with more space clearing and teaching our kids should keep me very busy indeed.

While Superman was home we were able to sit down and plan a budget based on his 12 month income (since pay cheque to pay cheque is too unpredictable) It is modest... a little challenging but i hope and pray i can stick to it...

Per pay cheque we are looking at
350.00 for food
200.00 for gas
75.00 on clothes
200.00 for school/lessons/outings etc...

and the rest goes to tithing, savings, and house bills.

I am hoping that this loan Superman is looking at goes through in the next few days. It would be such a HUGE improvement to our home. Pulling off all the old stucco, re sheeting the exterior and insulating it. Installing Siding, facsia, eaves, downspouts, new windows, maintenance free for some of the existing windows, and fixing the leaks into our basement...

Lord we pray PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... allow us to finish our modest home and incur some debt that we feel we can afford for the greater good of our home and family. If this shall be so. So be it. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray.

Now if this loan doesn't come through... You may be reading blog posts about me scaling the side of the house (with a fear of heights) to re sheet and insulate the exterior walls of our bathroom and Big Dogs bedroom. Without these repairs we will have to close off that side of the house and be WITHOUT A BATHROOM. for the winter (YUMMY). Or maybe you will be reading blog posts about me attempting to install a toilet in the middle of our basement, and requesting that the kids sponge bath in the kitchen sink....

Only time will tell.... I PRAY pray pray pray pray that the situation improves in the next few days...

Feel free to pray for us.... It cant hurt!

Hoping you all a fabulous day. I am picking up drywall and schooling today... It should be delightful!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Baptism August 2011

Here are the pictures of my husband and two of our children at their baptism. The church was so accommodating in having them all baptised in one day. I am so thankful that they chose to be baptised! I have already seen changes in them all. I know that our church is true and I know that with prayer even the hardest hearts can be softened and brought to Heavenly Father.


Sunday, October 9, 2011

A new wave....

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

In church today I was able to meet with the bishop and receive my temple recommend. What a wonderful thing. It did make me think though...

He asks as his last question if there is any reason why you think you are not worthy of entering the Lords temple? Hmmm... well that's a loaded question.

I never feel worthy! I should be a more supportive wife and a less selfish mother. I should seek the Lord more diligently, be a better example for my children (be more obedient, more forgiving, more cheerful), I ought to walk more willingly with faith...

The Bishop tells me that he feels as though we all have concerns in our lives that we wish we could change but that the Lord knows that and he realizes that we are imperfect.

If only we were all so willing to accept our imperfections!

I digress....

So i received my temple recommend.. I believe that receiving this blessing has made me want to work harder to be a better saint.

I pray daily to have more babies and to fill our home with love and order....

I think I have been giving a blessing.. One that involves preparedness.. I had an epiphany after speaking to the bishop today that I am Soooo NOT ready to have more children in our home... Now by this i mean our home is FULL... of STUFF! Mostly unneeded... things that are taking up room and making mommy a little crazy in the process.... We need to clear space!! To organize things and keep only those things that are precious to us!

My children are so precious to me! I want to teach them and be with them everyday... But we seem buried under piles of laundry to do, beds with multiple blankets to make, toys on the floor that no one will claim, dishes, dishes, dishes!

Our house is loud! Despite the sound of 6 children living, there are dryers, and washers, water pumps, refrigerators, doors slamming, vacuums, flies buzzing, fans, the radio, dishes crashing together. We need to clear our home so that we can clear our minds!

So this is my new path... Clear it out... Only keep what we need or the few things that are very important to us. I'm going to Value Village a lot of it, Ebay some of it, and maybe Usedregina a bit.

Superman and I have decided to move back to the Island at some point in the future.... Like the fall of 2012 so that is my other motivation.. We have to fit mums house and mine in a 26 ft truck and a 8X12 trailer..... that's not a lot of room....

Will keep you posted on progress!

Hoping to post this week on the baptism from this summer and of my brothers wedding.... stay tuned!!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Back in the habit

We have returned home from our vacation. It was delightful! We have been busy getting things in order for a large home renovation that will HOPEFULLY happen in the next few weeks. We have been cleaning the yards and getting things fixed up for winter as of late. Superman is only home until Monday and then who knows when he will be back again, surely not before it snows. (This is Saskatchewan and it is October so there will be snow!)

Had some dissapointments this week. A loan that we were sure we got, is still being reviewed and we most likely didnt get....

Had our appointment at the Ministry of Children and Families to submit our Adoption Application. Turns out all the PRIDE training (30 hours of required training) is booked up until possibly January... maybe later... and since superman is rarely home it will probably take until June for him to finish.. So no matter what we are looking at probably a year (Best case senario)

I'm not pregnant... been 30 some odd days since last cycle and nothing... Negative negative negative!!!

Frustrating and depressing!

Will update some pictures soon.. Once Superman heads back to work i should have more time to blog...

Wishing all of you well..

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm back...

As i was saying...

We have done so much since we arrived.. We have all the wedding prep to do tomorrow. A rehearsal at Transfer Beach, then a rehearsal dinner, set up and then Saturday morning.... More setup.. at the beach... a wedding... then pictures.... a reception ... there son staying the night with us and then off to church Sunday Morning... I'm already tired.

My goodness the children are enjoying there stay! I have never seen my children having so much fun as i did at the beach yesterday. They were so cheerful and co operative with each other... we collected maple leaves and acorns. We wrote in the sand and skipped rocks. We saw jelly fish and a sea lion. They were absorbing all that was around them. It was such a wonderful day. Hopefully there are more to come...

Happily busy  here on the island.... ahhhhh....

Ahhh the island...

We are mid vacation... We have been here for a few days and we have done soooo much... We went to the beach, had dinner with family went hiking, an indoor play yard, the park...Big dog went paint balling..... I got my Tea leaves and tarot cards read..... Ohhh how i love the island!!! It rains a lot... But i dont care... OHHHH its sooooo beautiful! I wanna move back!!

More to come i have to unpack groceries!!!!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Who likes tupperware????

This past weekend I was invited to a Tupperware party. I was all over going because MY DREAM is to have this orderly home where everything has a place and there is a place for everything. So I went. Can I just say.... I LOVE TUPPERWARE!!!

It is organized, its space saving, its green, its SO PRETTY and functional. OHHHHH I WANT IT ALL!!!

Did you know they organize pantries!!! Delightful.

So anyways the party went well, to say the least I was inspired. As I watched this woman lead our party i thought I could totally do that...

Alas...

I'm a Tupperware consultant!! Woo hoo....

I'm EMPLOYED!!

Hows about that huh? I look forward to serving you. Its so time saving to be organized, its so compulsory right now that i get my ducks in a row. I want Superman to come home seasonally. This my friends can make all that happen....

I'm excited .... i love to organize!!!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Busy busy busy....

Thursday we are heading for Vacation to BC. We are stoping in Edmonton our first night to visit family and then will continue our journey straight to the Pacific Ocean... I am getting excited..... I was excited and then I was stressed... then frustrated.... giddy..... exhausted and now i'm excited again.

Its amazing the ampunt of work it takes to get 6 children one mom a dad and a gramma all headed in the same direction with toothbrushes and underwear!!!

But its almost there! Van has been cleaned, installed a seat cover.. (i only got one and a half made), picked up childrens gravol (a friend to all those kids with motion sickness), made fruit leather and granola bars... cut up ham and garlic rings, cheeses and crackers, the entire trip there we should only need to eat out once! I think thats pretty awesome (and very economical), all is well in la la land my friends!!

My dress did not arrive intime for the wedding as of yet... the sheep made it to the butcher but im not sure about the goats making it to auction (they are much faster than the sheep) But tomorrow is the last day for everything to get done so busy busy we are!!

Here are some of our family pictures (totally irrelevant but still fun)













I might just have the cutest kids and the best lookin hubby ever!!

OHHH YAH!!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Adoption...

Ohhh i can hear the family members sighing and rolling there eyes... What is with that girl and ALL THOSE BABIES!!!

But alas...

We have put our application in for Domestic Adoption in Saskatchewan! We have an appointment in early October to finalize our application and to get set up to take our PRIDE courses and our Mutual Family Assessment. I feel less stagnant! We are making progress!

What are we looking for? Well obviously children are looking for families not families looking for children but the IDEAL children for us would be...
- a sibling group.. of three or more... ( we think that the transition to a large family would be even that more difficult for a single child and with all the loss that those children may be feeling, at least they will be able to feel safe with their siblings.)
- anywhere from 0-9 in terms of age (we want the children we have to be able to relate to the children we adopt and vise versa, however we want to have them feel safe and secure at a young enough age to make a difference in their personalities, and futures.)

Our children are very excited of course they think we are wonderful parents so they don't understand all the red tape. They figure we should be able to get these kids like, TODAY. But they are anticipating good things.

Now, lets be realistic... We are being realistic.... It will take time to get these courses under our belts (especially with Supermans schedule) but the eventual outcome we hope for is adoption of a sibling group. Hopefully all goes well but in reality we are just hoping for the best.

We hope that you will respect our decision and pray for us. Thanks

The Demarco Clan

Saturday, September 10, 2011

These days..

I haven't blogged lately and felt the need. So the last few days around here have been rough.

The saying "when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" Rings true.  Mama just ain't happy. Why? I feel stagnant like nothing is happening and there is nothing i can do. I feel like i currently have no direction... I like to be a busy person but i prefer my own busyness. Like mama decided to move furniture today, mama ripped down a wall, Mama made the kids carry all the books in our home to a new location... These things make me feel like there is progress even when its just shuffling things around.

Superman was home for two weeks this time and it was so nice to have him home. Our relationship was different. We weren't looking for fights. We were both calm and reasonably collected. We were on the same page when it came to the kids. The kids enjoyed him. Now that he is back to work and staying in instead of coming home after his two weeks... I think i'm a bit resentful. I miss him. A LOT. Usually when he comes and goes I don't even think about it but this time its killing me! I really miss him...

Winter is coming! slowly the season is changing. Its getting down to crunch time. It will be frozen soon and there are things that need to get done before that happens...

-Move Superman's truck from where it died in the field back to the house.
-Clean up the yard... Including all the stucco we ripped off when we pulled off the addition.
-Take the Goats to auction.
-Take the large sheep to butcher.
-Rig a more efficient watering system for the animals this winter.
-Clean the garage.
-Most likely pull off the deck so (hopefully) we can get the siding done.
-Install a wood stove (just a dream )
- Fix the hole in the side of the house so that we are able to use our bathroom this winter (I love sub zero weather) (i also LOVE frozen pipes)
-Haul grain so we can feed said animals without having to hike through 4 ft deep snow and dig out a door everyday.
-Clean out summer clothes and replace with winter clothes.
-Fix the door so it locks BEFORE we take the deck off (i would totally forget and take a flying leap out the door)
-Fix the furnace so it turns on without having to wiggle a certain wire and re turn it on every couple hours through the night.
-

I'm sure there is more but I cant think of them.

In other words we are yet again totally unprepared for winter! How does it creep up on us like this? I will never know.
Now Winter in Saskatchewan is not all bad... it does have its perks...

-The fly population goes down considerably.
- The cricket population also dwindles.
- You can blame almost anything on the weather.


Anyways... Mama just ain't happy.. Stagnant.... I feel like I have no direction. I am tired... Super tired!

We will receive our application for domestic adoption on Monday, we did our orientation! I will go in for an appointment after we fill out the application and then we are able to start our PRIDE courses and our Mutual Family Assessment (home study) . That makes me happy I feel like we are making progress there.

Perhaps i will have direction tomorrow!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Summers over! A recap of some that has occurred.

Vacation to Medicine Hat, AB


My girls all dressed up in the Hutterite garb.


Cousin Barbra


Cousin Hannah


Supermans TWIN brother Dave..... Creepy....


Cousin Brian


Aunty ?? Mary??? and Baby ??? Tabbies baby...


Grandpa!!!


TWIN brother Daves wife Elsie... She just loves getting her picture taken.


Ms. Proper, Barbra, the prim and Hannah


A whole lot of kids!!


Cousin Randy


Cousin Justin.

We had a lot of fun at the Colony. I got to see how the separate the cream from milk. Big Dog helped in the milking parlor for chores. Monkey climbed on things. The girls made tons of new friends. Exchanged addresses and have committed to pen paling one another. Big Dog made a few friends. We got to walk acres upon acres of gardens, visit Grammas grave, and visit with some great family!

While we were in town we visited my Dads Grave site. I wont say much on that for i fear my words will be stained with bitterness.

It was a quick trip. The kids were able to get there fill on the waterslides. It was well worth it to go!! We will most likely be stopping by that way on our way back from the Island in early October. Good trip, no major disasters.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Change of date...

So Superman, big dog, and Ms. Proper's baptism has been rescheduled.... TO NEXT FRIDAY!!! the 26th of August!!! Fantastic... SO exciting...

Tomorrow Sunday... Church and Baptism interviews,dinner with friends.
Monday Leave for Medicine Hat (visiting family)
Tuesday .... Still visiting
Wednesday coming home...
Thursday afternoon visit with missionaries, dinner with friends
Friday Family pictures, and BAPTISM, helping with baking for scouts
Saturday.... Family fun day in Southey... Helping with Scouts table at market.
Sunday... Church...
Monday... Superman flies back to work...

It makes me tired to write it...

Wishing you all a happy weekend and plenty of rest!


Friday, August 19, 2011

I served them ICED TEA!

We had a wonderful visit from the missionaries and Bishop yesterday. We had dinner and they had discussions with Superman. HE SET A BAPTISMAL DATE!! We are very excited. October 8th shall be the day. Just after we return from my brothers wedding. Big Dog and Ms. Proper will also be baptised on the same day. It shall be an event to remember. What a blessing it was to have them here. Superman seems happy with his decision, as though a calm has come over him. Its nice to see.

So we ripped out our addition off the kitchen finally and with it went my kitchen sink... With the missionaries arriving at 6pm Superman worked until 4:30 and then i cleaned like a man woman and made Tacos and Cornbread for dinner. Burned 3 batches of cookies and decided there would be no desert. Then Superman asked them if they wanted something to drink... OHHH I FORGOT ABOUT LIQUIDS.... So Monkey says.. I'll make juice... He wanted to make lemonade But i was thinking... Jalapenos.. Salsa  burning and then lemons.. Not so much so I had them make ICED TEA.... TEA.... I NEVER EVEN CLUED IN until i cleared three untouched full to the brim glasses from the table..... We aren't supposed to drink TEA!!

Obviously I still need practice in the word of wisdom. Since returning to church it seems like our lives have greatly improved. Our children are more caring to one another, Superman is a stronger leader and I believe i am a more calm and patient wife and mother. The accountability of knowing that these are not just our children but Gods also, calms me. It makes me want to do better.

Superman will attend church with us this coming Sunday for the first time since we left BC. I am excited. One, because I have attended four times and am beginning to wonder if people believe i have a husband. Two, because it will be nice to go to church and attend our classes as a family. Three, the kids are proud of there dad for wanting to go with us, for being such a good provider, and i think that going to church will strengthen our relationships with each other, as i already see happening with myself and the children.

While looking on my pantry I see 2 cans of instant coffee. About a hundred tea bags, a can of coffee grounds, a bulk size iced tea mix. I think its time to make room on the pantry.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Subtraction and addition..

When we travel we find in our home that its easier to travel if we invite friends to come with us. When we pick up my darling husband at the airport i always borrow my friends kids because they are SO QUIET on the way there, while they are there they listen and play nicely and then on the way home, they are excited to see daddy and still smitten to have someone to talk to.... because they cant talk to their siblings???

When daddy leaves to go to work Big Dog becomes the man of the house and does the better part of the outdoor chores. Feeding the cows, sheep and goats and keeping the water buckets full... With the ADDITION of the quad we have ADDED more chores to his to dos.

When Big Dog leaves for camp this Sunday there will be a huge SUBTRACTION in our home.... the youngest 3 do not by any means do three shares of the work, they do however make work for at least two of us. We will miss him. He always stays up later than the rest so i will miss that. He helps the other children reach things they cant reach pour things they cant pour, and lets mom have a shower and watches them.... I'm really going to miss that. I'm going to miss his silly giggle.His oddball questions and his loudness.... i will even miss that...

It will be really hard here for  day or two my only saving grace is that Superman comes home on Tuesday. But let me tell you, it is HARD to do all those chores with a baby on your hip, and 4 more by your side. When it take Big Dog 30 minutes it would take us 2 hours.... and i cant start the quad.... so when i do it, its manual labour all the way! So I will do his chores Monday and Tuesday and then Hopefully Superman will be inspired to help.He somehow has no problem with 4 kids by his side, maybe its the lack of baby on hip that makes it easier...

So with the Subtraction of Big Dog my to do list is ADDED too... the childrens needs are ADDED too (for what i have to do for them) and they will be missing there confidant.... Its going to be a rough week...

To make matters worse when he returns, he will be home for only two weeks and then headed to BC to hang out with his Uncle for a few weeks before we get there...

He is appreciated... hes growing up and of course we cant hold him back.. but what a make work project! I hope he enjoys his excursions. I PRAY he comes home with a happy and grateful disposition. I PRAY he stays safe and learns from the councillors.

HE WILL BE MISSED.... CUTE LITTLE BOOGER!!!!

I can call him that i'm his MOM


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Our week in pictures


Big Dog got a panel for his birthday that had this BBQ apron on it. He assembled and sewed the whole thing himself. He was so proud he celebrated by BBQing dinner! What a guy! I love when other people cook and we LOVE BBQ!!!


 Mrs. Proper thought it would be super FUN to beat the rug.... I guess she saw it on a movie.... So we beat the rug with a golf club.... it was funny to watch... they hold back because they don't want to hurt it at first... then they giver and have to be reeled in so others don't lose there limbs.... She had a good time but it turns out its actually hard to beat a rug... not as much FUN as we thought...


 Ahhhh that is 5 cases of cherries... or 100 lbs ..... aren't they pretty


They taste so good...


They are so messy though... we have pit about 40 lbs in the last two days. Canned 11 litres in simple syrup and i think we are going to stick with that. I can make the pie fillings as i need them. To make the pie fillings to can you need something called clear gel and i have been unable to find it anywhere. But this process is working quite nicely. We will have crumbles and pies from BC fruit all winter long. Considering i did such a botch job on the garden this year i am happy to be preserving anything at this point...

The farmers motto "There's always next year" rings through my ears on a daily basis...



 Lots of dyed faces are amongst us during cherry season.... Perhaps we need to work on fine motor skills.. it seems he actually shovels the cherries into his mouth with open hands... there is no finger foods with this one... its FIST FOODS...


Mmmmm... Nectarine and Cherry Cobbler... with FULL FAT YOGURT on the side... Its like heaven. The only thing better is cheesecake....


In other news over the past few weeks we have gone to the Beach twice. Oh it has been nice, the children LOVE the water. Who wouldn't?!? it has been nice to get out of the house even if its just for a day trip. This week we are going to try a different lake... hopefully it turns out as nicely as Rowans Ravine. And maybe I wont forget my camera this time! 
Wishing you all a wonderful day.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Addictions...

Regina Saskatchewan Mormon Temple



This is a picture of the LDS temple in Regina, SK..

I want to go here. To be sealed to my husband and children for all eternity... sounds pretty awesome right?


well this    .....



A cup of coffee.



stands in my way....

My two oldest children are interested in being baptised and becoming members of the church. My husband is also starting discussions with the missionaries in a few weeks...

Our family loves church. Its the right thing for us. LDS is the right thing for us... But that darned coffee....


Yesterday i had an interview with the Bishop, nice guy, doesn't say much. Smiles, nods, the occasional uh huh... Bad match for a chatter like me... Cause I like to talk. Told him about my habit. He said he would hate to see a cup of coffee stand in the way of our family being sealed in the temple...

hmmmm....

yeah... So i prayerfully asked God for insight last night and i woke up with a new perspective. The temple is something that means a lot. Coffee is not. My family means everything to me. Coffee does not.

I have noticed recently that the kids and I, even though we are ALWAYS together, are distant. Weird, odd and strangely there are barriers when we talk to each other, i feel like i'm not getting threw to them. Maybe its the coffee...

Sounds odd.. but I take coffee breaks.. When we are doing a craft or having a lesson i say "okay mommies going to go sit and have her coffee. you guys keep crafting and mommy will be back." I'm just an ear shot away but i have disengaged. i'm not really listening to them anymore.

So we had a family meeting and i described the Word of Wisdom to them, No alcohol and drugs. Super easy, its never been a habit or an issue for either Superman or myself. (I know i talk about turning to the rum all the time in my posts but its just a joke.) I explained about coffee and that they are more important than anything else in the world to me. But i needed there help and encouragement to break my awful habit. So I directed Big Dog to no longer make my coffee when i ask him. I printed out a picture of the Regina Temple to paste on my fridge to remind me to keep my eye on the prize!

So we will see how it goes...

Who needs the "CUP A JOE" not I said Supermom!!!