Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A quick update sadly lacking pictures...

So today Superman flew back to work for a week. He will return the 27th and then on the 28th we have an appointment to see my Dr. to check me and send my induction papers to the hospital! We need to plan these births. It is just to much stress to leave it all to spontaneity. I am so thankful that the Dr has agreed to induce me.. With a history of short labours i get really nervous about making it in to the city and to the maternity wing of the hospital before i toss my lil' cookie! I am also so thankful that Superman wants to be there. We have had some miscommunication and angst in the past that caused him to not be there for the last three children. He has only seen me birth once... Maybe I will wow him with my self control (unlikely), but I'm thankful he wants to be there. Hes a good man.

We celebrated Fathers Day over the weekend, we went on a DATE (first time in years) last Thursday night, had a dinner with friends, he build the main part of our new deck, installed the plumbing for my sink in the new bathroom, I went out for the day and came home to a clean house, he even cleaned the BBQ. He got a lot done this week while he was home, I on the other hand was pretty tired but it worked.

So this last week of pregnancy i will pretty much be relaxing. There are many things that I probably should be doing, but really none of such great importance that they cant wait. The weather is muggy and wet. So not a whole lot of gardening is getting done, not alot of yard work. We only have one animal left to feed and the house is about as good as its going to get for a while.

My last Dr's appointment he did a handheld ultrasound( Coolest thing I have ever seen!) because there was a question as to whether baby was head down or not. Yes he is head down, but in fact so far down that Dr was having trouble finding his head... Which brings us to the answer for why i have to pee as soon as i stand up from the toilet. Pressure is a constant. my pelvic bone sometimes feels like its going to break but Dr. assures me that it will probably move yes, but not break... (comforting) but I have a tentative end date, I know my Dr apt is next Thursday and that I should be induced over the long weekend.. That makes me feel much better about relaxing for the next week.

The kids are doing well. We bought a Trampoline with a net surrounding it when Superman got home and the kids are all still complaining about torn muscles and cardiac issues. They love it, but moderation is not there strong suit so they over do it and get sore. I am looking forward to being able to jump with them in the near future.

Will post again when baby arrived and let it be known how things went. Here's to hoping all is well for you...

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A sense of time...

I realize everyone is busy. I get it. I am busy, most of the time. But some people are just lazy. I STILL HAVE NO DOCTOR!! I went to the office to ask if they had received the fax they needed to send to the hospital. The lady there said on the 8th she faxed all my records to the Dr because they had called to request them.... Actually I called her on the 8th and asked her if she had sent the form yet.... So I called the OB again and asked if i could come pick up the form and fill it out and take it to my Dr and have them fax it... She said sure but in the mean time she would fax another copy with directions to my Dr. So I waited half an hour and called the lady at my Dr back... Told her to be expecting a fax and that all she had to do was check a few boxes and fax it to the hospital... And still nothing! It hasn't been faxed... I have no Dr! If you don't understand English you should not work in a medical office!!!

There is supposed to be a man coming to back fill around our house. Superman talked to him last week and he said he would be here early this week... Its Wednesday, "hump" day, the early week is gone and still nothing.

On a positive note HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to my husband! Maybe one day we will get to spend it together. One Day...

I am in a dismal state right now. I am self loathing, tired, have a lot on the to do list, a baby due soon, NO DR!, and have come to realize it will take a miracle and a winning lottery ticket to get us out of this house.

BC has a tax on all property purchases 1% on 200,000 and 2% on the balance so on the 450,000 houses we are looking at would cost us 7,000 extra. This amount cant be mortgaged. Then because we don't have 90,000 to put down (20%) we have to insure the loan which costs another 2.75% of the loan amount (about 11,000) which cant be mortgaged. Then there are lawyers, title change, and house insurance, Moving costs, st up of all the utilities and any maintenance that needs to be done once we arrive.

So that's not likely to happen. So we are stuck here and my fear of EVERYTHING grows and grows. Every time the wind blows at more that 35km I have a panic attack and start thinking about our demise. The kids will never get to do anything out here, because I seem to be becoming my grandmother the agoraphobic. Afraid of people, going out alone, going out alone with my kids, going anywhere in public, going places without a bathroom, driving somewhere and it being to windy to drive home, driving anywhere and getting stuck/broken down/ a flat tire, the weather, having this baby alone, having this baby at home, having this baby without any drugs, afraid I have completely lost my mind and screwed up my children, afraid they hate me, afraid they will have as little respect for others as they do for me.

I know times get tough, that some of this is probably hormones. That like all things this to shall pass... I just don't see the light, I am discouraged and each day seems like such a challenge. The kids don't want to finish their school work, I KNOW so what? Make them do it! But really 1. I'm tired and 2. How much are they learning if I am standing there forcing them every two minutes to "Keep going, come on, finish it up" times 4 children. They are all at each other because they are bored. Its to cold in the winter and now with the prairie over populated with ticks they are reluctant to go outside in the heat (i don't blame them) so they want to watch TV. But we don't have cable so its all movies they have already seen and they aren't interested in. I KNOW get off your butt and do something with them. I physically cant take them anywhere, I am terrified of what will happen if we go anywhere.

I think I give up on the DR bit... I will just show up at the ER (Hopefully we make it there) and if I make it to my due date then Superman will miss out on being there and I will have to deal with it. Oh well... Maybe that's what God wants, hes sure making it hard enough to get to a Dr so maybe the answer is no Dr.

Superman tells me.. "God will make everything okay, he wont let anything hurt you or the kids, so just have faith"

I do have faith, but what is i'm not worth saving? I've turned into a not nice person, I am pessimistic about everything, I hate everything, If I were God I would waste my time on trash like me.

Thursday, May 10, 2012


This past week has been full of effort on every ones part. The yard work was done for the first time this season which took all of two full days, with almost everyone helping. The 2nd bathroom is completely mudded, and primed. There has been two van loads of "stuff" taken to the Salvation Army. A few things liquidated and about a dozen boxes packed. Superman cut the wood i need to build another book case, the living room has been partially packed so that i can patch the walls and paint this week.

It has been really busy!

We are attempting to finish a few things around here and put the house on the market in the next month or so. The ideal situation of course is that we would put it up for sale and BOOM she sells! Give a August 30th possession date, and get packing! Then find a place we like and hopefully they have a quick possession date in mind as well. Then have this baby, pack it all in a moving truck and a trailer to haul behind our van. Drive out in the Van, have Superman and big dog fly back. Pick up the moving truck and drive that out. That way we are all there safely, with two drivers in the van (i think it will be to hard to drive when i have just had the baby and need to breastfeed and maybe even nap a little??, plus keep the kids entertained, the vomit subsided, and everyone in and out of the van for bathroom breaks alone with Superman driving the moving truck and me by my self with the kids)

This is of course the ideal... In reality we have soooo much to do before then and by the sounds of it my dearest husband has been given an opportunity to stay in and work through to June the 13th. I don't know what he will decide in lue of that. We could use the money. But the house could use his touch as well. He has heard rumor that his work may shut down for a few weeks in June which would be great if he stayed in now, but not so good if it doesn't happen (that's the thing about rumors, right?)

To try to stay positive and busy i am setting some small goals for myself in the hopes that when they all add up it will have made a difference. This week the goals are as follows:

Patch the holes in the living room and tape the bare drywall.
Sand, mud, repeat until the living room is ready for paint.
Do a big shopping trip.
Cook and freeze 15 meals for after baby.
Clean out my fridge.
Pack the rest of my room.
Collect boxes from wherever.
Maybe if i get time prime the living room.

None of these jobs are huge but I hope they will make a difference in the long run.

I still have to
Mud, sand, repeat, or patch. Girls room, hallway, staircase, laundry, my room.
Put moulding around all the windows.
Clean and pack anything we can to make it easy to clean up and tidy looking.
Get down on all fours and scrub the floors
Do minor repairs
Scrub out the washing machine.

Superman and the kids have to:
Clean up the yard
Clean out the barn and Quonset
Get rid of anything outside we can
Put sub floor down on the landing to the garage so it can be lynoed
Clean out the garage.
Pack his tools
Send the cow to the butcher

Its not that much to do when i write it out like that... wooo hoo! I better get started while birdie is still down for her nap.

On Pregnancy:
This week I went to the Dr to have my referral resent to a obstetrics Dr. It was faxed to them but they have changed the way they do things now so the referrals are all to be send to the hospital and then they send them to the Dr's. So my referral was returned to my Dr's office and as far as i know this form has not been found or sent to the hospital. SO next week when i should be having another appointment I am going to go to this ob-gyn Dr. get the form that needs to be filled out, take it to my Dr., have him fill it out, and WATCH IT BE FAXED to the hospital. Then HOPEFULLY i will get an appointment to see a delivery Dr and my nerves will settle a bit.

My mom informed me that she was going to put together an emergency birthing kit "Just in case" Scary thought! I hope i don't need it but it is a possibility at this point.

Baby is getting larger, and more cramped. He kicks all day long, and presses on my bladder. I have heartburn but i actually feel pretty good about my appearance. I don't think i look to bad. My leg and veins are a nightmare but it will only be another month and a half until they start to get better.

I am excited and exhausted all at the same time. I need to pack a hospital bag. Hmm.. maybe i will do that today some time.

Happy renovating, and person creating to all!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Back aches...

It was a sunny day, then a stormy one, then a snowy one, and now a few more stormy ones... We had our first thunder and lightning show of the season yesterday. This is May. Its cold, and then is hot, its  always windy it seems and it rains, stops just long enough to make you think you will be able to drive the gravel roads and then rains again. Welcome to Saskatchewan.

Today Superman is coming home! So this afternoon we will be venturing out regardless of the weather to pick him up. I am trying to be optimistic but I am scared to death we are going to end up in a ditch. Maker of my own destiny much? To make matters worse we have taken out the back seat of the van so any weight it did have back there... GONE...

Oh, i have to go and that's the way it is.. That's my story and i'm sticking to it.

The kids are less than organized and well behaved today. They are everywhere, Birdie has stopped talking completely and decided SCREAMING is a much better way to communicate. The Prim has hit this crazy eating binge and has consumed over a loaf of bread in the last 24 hours. Ms. Proper... Is always angry... she is her mothers daughter, and she is worried. .. About the weather, the new kittens in the barn, the dogs being out in the rain, the idea of packing...

Oh the packing... Do you ever get the idea that renovations would be so much easier if you didn't live in your house? Well this is my current thinking and so I am packing... Things that we don't need to have lying around getting covered in drywall dust and wrecked with paint. Extra curtains, cloth diapers that will fit this baby after hes 8 months or so, all our glass precious things that are still intact (let me tell you that was NOT a very big box!) Things that I just don't want wrecked like the beautiful dish my aunt gave us for our wedding and my quilt that was a wedding present that the CATS have taken to sleeping on! ( I cant wait until we have a bed frame, then I can put it on our bed and nothing will claw or spill on or fray the edges. Well a bed frame and a deadbolt on our bedroom door anyway.) 

It seems like things would be easier to get at and maybe we would be more likely to do things if we didn't have to rearrange all the furniture and climb over things to get to them.. Or to do it and then have to clean and dust everything in that room. I think this will be an easier way to get things done... But the kids are worried. I have never thought that instilling a perception of time in my children was of great importance but as they grow they think that EVERYTHING is going to happen right now! There is no waiting no concept of this weekend, when its summer, next year... or even after dinner some days.. So they think we are packing and moving... TODAY!

Wouldn't that be an adventure! But unfortunately no... I try to explain, our house is not even on the the market... When you move you put a house up for sale, wait for someone to buy it, then you look around and pack and find something you want to buy, you put in an offer, they approve it (or not), and then hopefully you move without being homeless for too long between one being sold and taking possession of the other. It takes lots of time.

It has been a rough couple of days. My back is killing me and baby has found my rib cage... He presses his little feet right up under my ribs on the right side and doesn't give. The only remedy i have found if walking around with my arms stretched straight above my head (which doesn't last long) or lying with pillows propped under my back and my head hanging to touch the floor (almost like a bridge). Heat seems to help my back but sitting does not. Walking makes my legs pulsate in my varicose veins and thighs are chaffing when i walk.. (yeah that's an attractive thought... try being the one that has to lug that around). I think I have done relatively well up to this point but now i am tired and not so happy.

Went to my Dr yesterday.. he is on vacations for weeks and there is no record of him wanting to send a referral. So I saw a different Dr. who since he hasn't seen me before wanted to do the whole prenatal work up... He checked my blood pressure 3 times twice on the left and then once on the right and came up with "90/ 60 is not good, you are dizzy?" No I replied "You must be dizzy, if my blood pressure were 90/60 i would be very very dizzy!" I'm fine, I usually have a low blood pressure and pregnancy makes it lower. " No pregnancy doesn't do that... You have something wrong with you... You have low blood pressure" Yeah okay, and what would you like to do about that Dr? " Oh nothing, there is nothing you can do, but this IS a problem and it needs to be fixed!"

Moving on....

"How much did you weigh at your last appointment?" 183lbs, sir.. "Today you are... 184" Okay.
"NO! Not okay... You are not gaining enough weight." Sir I have gained 25 lbs I'm sure its fine... "You think you  are old hat at this but EVERY PREGNANCY IS DIFFERENT my dear, you must gain more weight. Not gaining weight in pregnancy is like losing weight in pregnancy.. Its not a good idea you will be sicker longer after the baby is born and may end up THINNER THAT YOU STARTED!"  Now I tried SO HARD not to smile or be sarcastic but I couldn't control myself... So Dr. You are afraid that  I may end up thinner than before I got pregnant... Am I hurting the baby? "No dear its not the baby I worry about, that baby will get the calories from your reserves but you may run out of reserves!" Well wouldnt that be a shame....

I assure you all i'm not starving myself I eat pretty much the same thing everyday... 1/2c Oatmeal with Chia seeds 2 tsp of brown sugar and a fruit cup on top, then for lunch 1/2 a can of tuna with a tbsp of mayo, salt and pepper, and 6 crackers to put it on, I snack on fruit and veggies, and make a smoothie with yogurt, carrot juice, milk, strawberries, and any other fruit i have. Dinner always consists of a meat and veggy and usually a bread/rice or potatoe. I have a Thinsation Chocolate covered pretzel pack each day, probably a bran muffin, or some other sort of hearty snack and of course junk food. My stomach is small and I am really lazy so my food is pretty much grab and go... But I am eating all the time! I drink between 4 and 6 litres of water/raspberry or nette tea, or crystal light. And spend the rest of my day in the bathroom.

Despite the drama of the Dr I think I am doing well... I weigh more now by one lbs than I did when I gave birth to Birdie, and I have 7-9 weeks to go.. I think I am doing alright.

I cant find a shirt long enough to cover my belly... Yeah stick a fork in me I'M DONE!

Friday, April 27, 2012

Fridays at our house

So we sort of have a schedule that sets the flow for the house throughout the week... Monday to Friday the kids all do there school work and the TV and all media are off limits. We do laundry everyday, dishes, and run our house...

Fridays are full...
Clean the bathroom
Clean their bedrooms
Sweep and wash all the floors upstairs
Wash sheets
Open windows and air out rooms
Do school work for the day

So one would think that Fridays would be the longest day of the week.

Not so..

Magically every member of the house under 13 wakes up at the crack of dawn, gets all there homework done without a murmur from me and cleans there room. Where school usually takes them until noon each day on fridays they are doe by 9:30. Breakfast is eaten and the table cleared (Something the have to be reminded to do at every other meal all week). Rooms cleaned, no fighting, maybe a little teamwork going on.

There pay off... MEDIA.... I allow them to play on the computer or Wii on fridays (in turn, and in 1 hour incraments) and we conclude the night with a family movie and popcorn.

But whats frustrating is that they CHOOSE not to do these things any other day.. They pretend they dont even know what day it is (sometimes what month it is), they forget they had to do math as a subject, they forget where the laundryroom is and where the garbage cans are located, they forget we have dogs that need to be fed, that there is no maid that is going to clear the table for them, that the point of eating is to get the food into your mouth not all over the table and floor before you.

AHHHH BUT ON FRIDAY!!! They are amazing!

On the upside i should be thankful that they are this productive at any point but i'm just not one of those positive people. Perhaps we should do this more than once a week? I wonder if it would have the same effect?

Maybe a media wednesday? I hate to have them on the computer to much... Maybe a craft instead? That would be of no interest to the older ones... We read a book together everyday so I cant entice them with that... I dont leave the house so no trips anywhere... Maybe a cartoon night? It is so hard to find cartoons that are apropriate though...

I will need to think on this.
As one point we had a Monday and Thursday night cleaning night in addition to the Friday cleaning (which was then on Saturday morning) but I found they wouldnt do anything at any other point, They wouldne hang there jackets up, pick up a paper if they dropped it, put anything in a laundry basket. They were convinced that they would have something to clean on Mon and Thursday if they just left it.

Ohhh the logic.

Thursday, April 26, 2012


So as the emotions of these fabulous pregnancies creep up and disappear during the third trimester I am finding that where I usually feel rage, excitement and exhaustion I seem to be feeling dis pare and absolute terror. I am afraid of everything lately.

I am finding it hard to even leave the house.This winter was unusually mild but I am TERRIFIED of what next winter will bring. Our Econoline is large, somewhat like a brick wall and as the wind hits it it swerves. Now Superman of course has no problem driving it because he is used to driving grain trucks and semi trailers, but I have problems driving it. So if the wind is blowing above say 25km, i wont drive. Our road is gravel and with the floods of last spring it has low spots and loose gravel. When it rains even the slightest bit there gets to be mud and the back end of the van being so light has a tendency to swerve. So if its windy or snowy or has rained in the last 48 hours we don't go anywhere. We are coming into our windy season now and I am coming up to my due date. I am afraid i am going to have this baby at home because i wont make it to the hospital, in the car because we wont quite make it to the hospital or alone because Superman will be hours away at work and the kids will need someone to watch them.

Last night I brought all the kids and my mattresses downstairs because there was yet again another storm. I hate to have the kids wake up screaming by the howling wind, or crawling in with me because they are scared so everyone sleeps better when we are in the middle of the house where the wind cant be heard. I feel safer, as though if we need to evacuate of run for cover at least I know where to find them all. But thats just it... Say there were a tornado which we have seen here before... I cant get them out of the house because I cant drive the van in the wind. We are only able to go to our basement and wait out the storm.

Are my fears irrational? I assure you they are not, a mans farm not far from here was destroyed by tornado. We lost everything to a house fire. SH@# happens!

Honestly I wanted to move months ago but in reality i was just testing the water, if there was anything that could keep me here it would. but really there is NOTHING!

Due to recent events we have reorganized our education plans for the kids and we have agreed that each child is in need of an exterior outlet. Learning piano maybe, or dance, or some sort of group outlet for the older ones to feel like they are part of a PEER group. Unfortunately there is no way to do this. Superman is home 6 days out of 21 and I wont drive in wet, wind or snow... We live in Saskatchewan!!!

This is not the education I intended for our children. Our farm is just for lack of a positive thing to say.. "Just not working out" We will have our sheep sold in the week to come and our Cow will be butchered in the fall so there are no animals. Our garden is a no start this year as I will be 9 months pregnant and unable to care for it. So that leaves the "farm" completely baron. 18 acres of wild grasses and all the upkeep that it entails.

I'm at my wits end with a never ending to do list and no energy to accomplish it. I have looked at some houses on Vancouver Island and other than the fact that for a decent 2-3 acre parcel with 4 bedrooms we are looking at 600k to 800k. I realize that I REALLY don't want an acreage. I like privacy, I like to be able to yell and scream to the kids to come inside and let the kids play and scream all they want,to run and not worry about traffic. However, I also want there to be someone around to teach them the piano, a pool to swim in, somewhere to take them to do SOMETHING, a DECENT school system, a hospital within a 20 minute drive, PAVED ROADS!!!

I'm tired and frustrated and ready to give up. But really how does one give up? Stop getting up in the morning? What a disaster that would be. Run away ( only if there is no precipitation, snow or wind.. that slightly narrows the window), maybe get up off the lazy ars and change something...

I am happy paying off our loan and having enough for a small down payment, I could move in a truck at this point. Me the kids and there favorite blankets, my ipod, compost bucket(i like it) and Birdies potty seat. Superman thinks I am throwing it all away, he says its more complicated than that. I disagree. Change is only as hard as you make it. We would have everything that was important!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

And what did you do today?

Rather what was done this week would make for a better post. Let me just start by saying today was the most beautiful day! Sunshine, very little wind. We went for a walk, I sat outside and read some coursework while the kids played on the swings and generally ran a muck. It was a great day.

This week in general has been good. It had its pitfalls be sure but Superman and I had to talk about somethings to do with the kids education and social situations and I really feel like we talked. We managed to figure it all out, no hard feelings. No guilt, just two grown ups making a joint decision and sticking to our guns... That never happens with us. Usually there is blame or at least sarcasm and competition involved but this time.. Its all good. Mkes me feel a little old...

So as Big Dog is heading into Eighth Grade this coming year and he seams to be starving for peer interaction we have decided to put him in public school. For the long term. He seems excited and relieved at the same time Hes lonely and he needs to have friends. This way he will get a graduation certificate and a better chance at getting into a college in Canada. He will also be attending Summer Camp. He has gone for the past two years to a camp in Wolsley, SK he had a load of fun but it was a cowboy camp and thats just one thing he is not... a cowboy. So this year we are trying a camp located in the Qu'appelle valley that is more geared toward canoeing, sailing, and all things water... He will be sun burned but happy when he returns i am sure. Hes already talking about his image for school, what kind of clothes he should get, if he should dye his hair. He hopes his braces will be off by then. Frankly, so do I.. No one likes a spitter... Its much worse with the braces on...

As for our other children I scavenged all the catalogues and planned next years curriculum. Without having to buy new curriculum for Big Dog and using the same curriculum I used for his earlier years, with all new workbooks for each child my home school budget will go from almost 4ooo.oo to 350.00. Of course the clothing and all the gear for public school will cot something but I think I will still walk away saving a bunch.

On the pregnancy front those not so painless Braxton Hicks have begun and are hitting me with avengance... I must be really out of shape. Gives me time to practice breathing exercises i suppose. I feel huge and my leg looks a lot worse than it feels.. Yep.. this is the last trimester.We are thinking of a planned induction (the same thing we have done for our last two). Although we dont have to worry about getting there in a snowstorm, we will still need to worry about getting there. My mother is not taking time off and without knowing a when it would be unlikely that Superman would be around either. If I were to call my mother with a "My water broke" and she were at work it would take her about an hour and a half to make it to the kids, while I drive myself of IF Superman is around he would drive me in. Now I do have a friend in a nearby town that I am sure I could call on but with 6 children of her own i'm sure there would be delegating to do before she could get to me and get me to the hospital. The hospital is approximately 45 minutes away from my door to the ER or Main admitting door.. However considering my births average about 4 hours I believe that by the time i actually called anyone and believed that it was the real thing we would have about an hour until the pushing stage. It is not uncommon in this country to have babies in cars on route to the hospital... I DO NOT WANT THAT TO BE ME! So a planned induction at 38 weeks seems like the right thing to do. Have to see what the Dr says closer to i suppose.

Good tidings, the potty beckons... 

Friday, April 13, 2012

A break from insanity..

Ohh how those hormones do rage...

One day I'm a normal person and them BOOM the world is against me and I am drowning in my own hormonal imbalances.... Its a bit tiring.. It involves lots of apologizing when you are stable but sometimes it seems okay to be your own Soap Opera/ Roller Coaster...

So back to normal.. Hopefully for a while.. Exercising everyday. Intrigued by the idea of "Crossfit". Hove you seen this? Basically its the training that they do in the military. Super boot camp, no mercy type of stuff. The premise "Its supposed to hurt, and you are supposed to push yourself!"  The women that I have seen doing this are pretty buff! But still feminine.. II hae never rally liked the long lean prospect of being a yoga momma because being so tall i think it would make me look flimsy... But buff, STRONG I could totally do...

I was inspired by a woman who blogs at "The Story of a Lifetime" She has 11 children and 11 days post partum from number 11 she gets back into her size 8s! Not because she has been buff and naturally thin her whole life but because she really works hard to be strong. She has even gone as far as to post pictures of her abdominals.... Now thats a gutsy chic!

So I have read all the articles that pregnancy is a time to take it easy and not overdue it and I dont want to hurt anything so obviously I will take it easy until Baby comes but then.... OHHH BABYY!!
I usually don't have a hard time getting back to my pre pregnancy weight but i think that the Power 90 lots of exercise route will help it be an even smoother transition.

So lets be clear... I am NOT FIT! I am not lazy, not obese, not weak, but definitely not FIT. I am careful when I lift things, or I get others to lift them for me.. My back is weak, but my pain tolerance is quite high.. I have varicose veins in one leg that get so bad when i am pregnant that i have to wear layers and layers of socks on one foot because they bulge in the arch of my foot and inhibit walking. Super fun. My blood pressure is low.... like 90/60 low even lower in trimester 2 of pregnancy. I get dizzy, and faint. I need to drink a gallon of water a day to keep my pressure to that height and constantly have to pee!

So this journey will not be swift, its not a quick fix.. It will be just that... A JOURNEY! This crossfit looks really hard. So I am going to work it like this... I have the Original Power 90 DVDs from my fourth baby back in 2005 and I do them post partum each baby, but not everyday like is suggested... So that's where we will start. After Baby I will heal.. then do Power 90 on the schedule and then after 90 days see where i'm at. Next step after that I am thinking will be Power 90 X and then Crossfit...

Sort of like training for a marathon I will train to start Crossfit... The ultimate goal for me...

TO DO TEN PULL UPS!! In a row... and with ease... That would be awesome or to be able to climb one of those gym ropes that hang from the ceiling... I have NEVER been able to do that...

Ahhh dreams...

I am so thankful to be having a summer baby! I can go for walks, and breathe fresh air and not have to worry about keeping my newborn warm and bundled. Not confined to the house for months...

And now back to insanity....

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The blizzard rolls through..

Thursday this week we spent the day outside, eating DQ dilly bars because it was sooo hot, and we were all parched. We spread a blanket and just enjoyed the day. Something I haven't done in ages. Birdie and I watched the others play a game of kickball and it was just an absolutely delightful day. Something we needed. We needed to smile and laugh and be outside. Despite its mildness it has been a long winter.

Then Thursday night it gets windy... Friday morning it begins to snow and by nightfall we have winds at 45k gusting to 60. We moved all the mattresses into our living room and co slept for the next two nights, watching movies and trying to keep high spirits through the storm.

Its Sunday now and although still windy my nerves are hot, I can not have them all in one room anymore and my efforts for togetherness have turned into each of them having a rotten attitude and not being able to cope with the days comings. They want.. they want... they want...

She did... he did... they were.... I want.... Tell them to stop.... You "Better" go tell her/him to....


Its Sunday.. remember the sabbath.. The day we are supposed to be thinking of others, enjoying the day with God... REMEMBER!?!?

Not so much around here. I am thinking it is going to continue to be a rough day despite my chocolate chip pancake with whip cream breakfast..

I was inclined to give them their Easter baskets yesterday so the little ones would have new things to keep them occupied in our tight space.. Which worked but for the older ones it just caused possession and turf wars.

Hopefully they all make it through the day with all limbs still attached and no serious injuries...  So far we have had a biting incident, a butter knife threat (ohhh 2 year olds), three or four temper tantrums, a two stair fall (more like dramatic roll), and a face two inch from another evil eye screaming fight.... And the Prim has just informed me.... Ms. Proper has stated "She doesn't deserve to be alive" ( A little drama after being sent to your room for hitting your sister because " She was just about to do something rude.... I know it" )

Ahh the joy of being a mother of many. I have to learn to laugh more about things.. instead of at them... 

Well linen to wash and chores to be done.. Pregnancy update for 28 weeks... My back is killing me from sleeping on a mattress on the floor with two kids crammed in my armpits, but other than that... I cant complain. I feel wonderful. I have been lifting some 4lb weights a couple of times a day and trying to get in a 30 minute walk each day. Each days exercise totaling about 30 min cardio and 2-3 sets of upper and lower body exercises. I feel like its helping my circulation which is usually my worst complaint. The younger kids are learning to walk on there own and understand that mom cant carry them for a little while. I am finding that my limbs are going a bit tingly or numb when I sit cross legged or lie on my sides but i think that comes with this stage of pregnancy. A little nausea, and dizziness from low blood pressure but all in all a good week physically. ONLY 12 MORE TO GO!!!


 Decorated eggs by our clan... Or at least whats left of the two doen that we started with....

Helping with the laundry? I see a squatter in the basket contaminating the socks with cat fur for all of us that are allergic... But at least shes smiling... And monkey boy of course CLIMBED onto the dryer and cackles when he realizes that hes busted for not helping....

Yeah baby, thats natural..... alllllll natural.

J-Bears attempt at an angry face.... No matter what he still looks cute.... Darn that being blessed with good looks... darn it all!!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

If it were all about me...

Sometimes I feel as though GOD has this amazing hold on my life. Now obviously he is GOD so he can do what he likes but one cant help but think for the most part that hes there for Birthdays and Christmas but not REALLY there every moment, right?

Except when you want to do something... Like go somewhere... alone.... without kids... and maybe have an opportunity to do something that may scare you a bit but would (in your mind) do you some good.
Yeah your scared and nervous about being out of your comfort zone but you are ready to handle it.....

And then GOD steps in... like an outraged father and says... "uhh.. no way sweetheart... You are not going anywhere"

That's where I seem to be stuck right now...

I was denied from a program that I applied too (actually the woman on the phone did her best not to laugh at me but I could literally here her snicker as she dumbed it up for the silly dropout she was speaking to on the phone.)

I was all gung-ho to get involved in a market in a nearby town and the night before, everything i touch turns to crap, some of the kids have fevers, I cant seem to find anything I am looking for and every time i turn my back something else is being trashed, or spilled, or someone else is vomiting or running for the toilet. Not to mention the Winter Storm Warning posted for our area and the fact that the winds will be gusting to 60 while I attempt to drive my "high roll over risk" Econoline through it, to leave my children with a babysitter, when I know they are going to freak out and the two I am taking with me are going to be the death of my pocketbook.

And a long term project. That consists of me doing some courses and HOPEFULLY getting into a different program that I applied for, planning and follow through for a huge undertaking, and trying to overcome my fears of EVERYTHING in the process.

Is it possible that if I just stayed home and never planner to help out or do anything that just benefited me on the short term that the weather may cooperate and the children wouldn't be sick as much? It seems that way... I cant remember a time when I have gone anywhere that wasn't tainted by vomit or monumental aggravation.

Its just so much easier to stay home... To not even bother, at this point I should know when I sign up for these things that I will let everyone down.

Then something in my head starts the wheels turning... Who do I think I am? Like anyone even cares if you show up or don't.... Like I am soooo important... uhh no honey I think not... No one will be disappointed because they expect you to fail and quit. You always do. That's what makes me me.

I used to be sooo organized and sooo... dare I say the word.... content !?!.. maybe that's not it because I was always looking for change... Maybe happy... I think although I did have a tendency to do things without thinking I for the most part smiled, I enjoyed my children, I liked schooling them, caring for them, doing crafts with them... I remember being a mom of four (with 2 under 2) and going to a friends house that had 6 children. We were having kind of co op home school day, and I brought crafts...She looked at me with such fear in her eyes.. Absolute dis belief and said "No way we are doing that in my house." I remember being taken back... Isn't it soooo important to make sure these kidlets have an artistic outlet. I mean how much mess could glitter be with 10 kids....

But now I know... I don't do crafts anymore without written contract to the job descriptions of cleaning up the project when its over, and who those jobs belong too.

It becomes more difficult to go places with more children if you allow it to. I have most definitely allowed myself to develop a fear of taking them anywhere or doing anything with them... Now when I try to do something with out them that Fear multiplies itself by every person in the house. The two youngest cling and lose sleep and the other four begin to plot all the things they can do when the mean lady heads out...

I feel stuck... I want to be educated, I want to be proud of myself, for my children to learn that education is a life process and see the struggles that I have to overcome because of poor choices made in high school. I want to do things with them. To not be afraid. To be.....

Who knows.....

Its dark here in my mind... I have to finish a course that I obviously jumped the gun on and will count for nothing. Start two new courses that will HOPEFULLY NOT be a total waste of my time, To finish a box full of crafts for a market I am unlikely to ever be able to attend, let down my two only friends, and come come to terms with the fact that I am TERRIFIED of living in this house with the weather that is due to come, and too lazy and exhausted or skilled to do anything to help the situation.

As the winds howl outside I wonder what I am to learn from this... Fear is a constant? Have more faith? Don't bother trying to do things that take me away from my children EVER?

I have NO IDEA what I am supposed to do and it consumes me... Pray and Pray and Pray I do and it gets more confusing and more self defeating with each day... And a baby due to arrive in about 90 days....

What a life...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Oh that time does fly...

Days are getting longer on the prairie but it seems as though we are losing time. We wake get breakfast, get some school done, have lunch, the kids play outside, its time for dinner, then bathes, reading and bed. The same routine over and over without much deviation. Thankfully things are getting done.

Last week when I went to the Doctor he told me I am gaining weight to fast. To which I replied "well maybe its time to refer me to my OBGYN now..." I have gained 25 lbs.. But in my defense I think I was having a fat day (seriously) my scale at home a week later says 176 which is 6 lbs under my Dr visit weight. Anyways whatever.. I'm going to gain more and then I will have to lose it just like every other pregnancy so "What of it?" Dr.A seemed rather concerned, he told me of the risks of preeclampcia and all of the awful things i was doing to my body by being overweight... Then as he took my blood pressure 96/70 he says "You should really up your fluid intake, a consistent low blood pressure is a bad thing you know, I'd like to see it a little higher come next appointment" SO... Make up your mind buddy!

I left no more knowledgeable then i entered.

I have some pictures for your viewing pleasure... Our kitchen "PHASE 1" complete. Base cabinets and counter tops. A picture of my overweight 27 week preggo body, and maybe some other stuff...

Dry fitting the sink

Superman ordered some super cool Stainless nosing. Great way to finish the edges for the novice tiler.

Its so shiny and pretty.. Easy to keep clean... I am lovin' it.

Putting it all together in our former Computer room.

Our lasy Susan (there are TWO) one on either side of the stove. I love them.

My belly WEEK 27. 13 weeks to go! Baby number 7 pregnancy number 8. I might just be vain but i don't think i'm all that huge... Its not a perfectly round belly, but really my body doesn't look normal even when i'm not pregnant... Check out the lack of posterior cushion.... Yeah.. I have an entire body part missing... NO BUTT at all.. Just a back and legs... Ahh the joys of body structure.

On a healthy note. Made my self a little work out routine that I can do while i'm with the kids . Weights with my little dumbbells in the kitchen while I cook, step ups on the stairs whenever i walk by the stairs, an oath to only sit when I'm reading to the kids, helping with homework or when my legs are burning so badly i cant stand to stand. Drinking lots of Raspberry and nettle tea (making Ice tea in a big jug and that's my water quota for the day) taking the kids for a walk down the country road everyday (for the past three..but its a start) Birdie is walking the whole way (quite proud of her), and trying to watch what i eat a little closer.. Laying off the bread, which i think is my only problem. More veggies and less bread. That ought to make a difference. I hope. Joined Babyfit.com which has a nutrition tracker and it totally free, so that's helping too.

We will have to wait another 13 weeks or so to see the product of these efforts but for the in term I feel good about what I am doing on a daily basis and the effort I'm putting into this pregnancy so I think that's all that matters...

Back to the hum drum...

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A return to rambling...

So much has happened since i left the face of the blogger world. Best of all the morning sickness, crazy tired part of my pregnancy is over! We now face the tired leg, heartburn faze.

I am taking a few courses via distance ed from SIAST. Hopefully it will lead somewhere but i have promised myself that i will take the courses one unit at a time and one exam at a time.

The children... well there were the measles.... that was a fun one... then there was the vomiting and diarrhea for no reason that they all had.. But all in all sicknesses aside the kids have been well.

Big Dog attended a Winter Camp with his Scout Troop which he thoroughly enjoyed. He has spent his days rigging traps for winter animals and building things outside when he can. Other than that he is absorbed in reading and is progressing well in his studies. He is struggling a little in Math but in all other subjects he is doing very well.

Ms. Proper just had a birthday. She turned nine, and we all went swimming to celebrate the occasion. She has "grown up" a bit in the past few months. She has been more diligent in her studies and seems happier to be part of our family now. I'm not sure what clicked but she is actually playing with her siblings rather than brow beating them for a change, so whatever happened there i hope keeps up. She has got the reading bug now too. Gramma bought her a whole series of books for her birthday (the warrior series, by Erin Hunter) So i am sure she will be much more fluent by the summers end. She has started helping out around the house a lot more. Almost everyday she asks me "Is there anything i can help you with mom?" Its nice to see her stepping out of the little kid role and becoming a lady.

Monkey is thin... He had the measles and the vomiting flu back to back and was turned off food for a few days, unfortunately the boy doesn't have much reserve so he has wasted a way to a stick. He is improving now but i think it will take him a month or two to pack on a little weight. He has finished his math curriculum for the year, and has only a little more language arts before he finishes for the year. He has figured out how to navigate the computer pretty well and can type his own name and passwords. He has progressed in his reading with the promise of a new bike. Now, i know bribery is not for things like this but... It was Supermans deal with him and in their defense, the boy is 7 and reads nothing. He writes HIS name and that's about it. He has been seeing a speech therapist, has figured out the SH sound and taught himself to whistle. He is on lesson 15 in the 100 easy lessons to teach your child to read, and he is GETTING IT! I am so thankful for that. Perhaps he is like some of our other children, with enough incentive they can move mountains.

The Prim received a makeup kit for her birthday in December and since has had a hot pink mustache or hives from the layers of eyeshadow she has layered on (thanks Gramma). She is still the prim. She still changes into a clean dress every time we play music, so she can spin and feel pretty. She is on lesson 25 in our reading book and is progressing well. She has finished all the curriculum that i bought for grade one (so i had to buy more) and she is flying through what i bought! She is ready to move on but i want to make sure her reading is concrete before she moves on to anything else. She is still my maternal mama. She is fantasising about this baby just as much as me. She is starting to babysit for me too. While i put Birdie down for her nap her job is to keep J Bear out of trouble, and when i have a shower she watches the two of them. Delightful! We put her and Monkey in swimming lessons and she still just isn't ready, she gets very dramatic and flails herself around, its a bit much. She tried when she was four and now at six, Perhaps she will be better at 8?

J Bear is a tornado. He talks all day long, he spins, he yells, he runs, he colours, he talks some more, he IS A BOY and HE IS THREE! He terrorizes his siblings and makes a mess wherever he goes. But my oh my does that boy laugh! He is a great helper if you can keep up with him. He is LEARNING. I cant wait for good weather so that they can go outside. Poor boy gets all dressed up in his snow gear with his mitts and can barely walk through the snow. If there is a wind there is no fun to be had out there for a little guy! He colours a lot but there is only so much a little guy can do alone. I know hard to believe that anyone is EVER alone in our house (i rarely feel alone) but i think hes lonely, he causes trouble so the others will pay attention. Any attention is good attention right?

Birdie aww the weee one. She talks all day long!! Only two years old with the "blessings" of older siblings and the determination to be understood. She honestly speaks just as well as James, only not quite as loudly. She is making progress. She SLEEPS IN HER OWN BED!!! Its in my room and we hold hand until she falls asleep but hey I'm good with that. Being prego and sharing a bed with a kicking toddler is not so much fun. I like my bed all to myself thanks. She is off the boob and the bottle. She drinks out of a sippy cup before bed and when we travel and a normal cup during the day. She is growing like a week. She has hit the stage where you buy her clothes she wears them and the laundry somehow piles up for a few days, you get it all done and POOF the clothes wont fit her anymore... What the?? She repeats her self and is convinced that anytime she feels an itch or gets a bump it is the cats fault (i don't know what the girl has against cats but it is what it is).

and the bump.... Ahhh we are 21 weeks along. HE is growing beautifully. YUP HE!! So to recap out children are as follows.. Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl, and BOY. Isn't that balanced? Its lovely. I have gone through our basement and manage to pare down to one tote of baby clothes. I got rid of anything girly, anything i wouldn't use the first year, and anything that i was brutally honestly not going to use. I got rid of three large garbage bags! I have EVERYTHING for a baby so i bought some material and made receiving blankets and wipes, knitted a blanket, crochet a blanket, knitted a few hats, and attempted some socks (bad scene, not even going there!) So now i am waiting.... at this point in child rearing I realize that July will be here before I know it. We are half way through March and it was just Christmas a few weeks ago I swear! I'm not uncomfortable yet. My VV are tolerable. I am taking it easy for sure. No heavy lifting no demolition, etc... but all in all other than being scared something was wrong (the ultrasound put all my worries to rest), and utter exhaustion it has been a rather uneventful pregnancy. I like uneventful... uneventful is good. I have a few new habits that i never did before. I watch movies on my laptop a few nights a week after the kids go to bed, I have never been a TV person but as of late i am a person that likes to lie down. I eat at night (usually healthy stuff), and i seem to be completing things before i move on to something else.... THAT'S NEW!! How many dresses did i make to never put the zipper in? How many needle points never completed? How many meal plans never stuck too? But as of late I have craved the organization and it FEELS GOOD to complete things.

More to come... We started a kitchen redo!! It is seriously Superman's best work (next to the children, of course) I am so pleased with it... 

Monday, January 2, 2012

So much to say..

I have so much to say and what seems like to time to say it... I will be taking a break... An on purpose one.. I will try to post pictures of the house when i can i just cant realistically get it done right now. I had hoped to be some successful blogger by now.. With sponsors and the ability to do reviews and all sorts of things.. But i'm not funny or optimistic nor do i follow a simplistic life. People aren't attracted to the grind i guess. I suppose i am not meant to be a writer and so i will call it quits for a while... I'm sure I'll be back... I waffle on all things in this life... I am sure this is no different. Thanks