So we sort of have a schedule that sets the flow for the house throughout the week... Monday to Friday the kids all do there school work and the TV and all media are off limits. We do laundry everyday, dishes, and run our house...
Fridays are full...
Clean the bathroom
Clean their bedrooms
Sweep and wash all the floors upstairs
Wash sheets
Open windows and air out rooms
Do school work for the day
etc...
So one would think that Fridays would be the longest day of the week.
Not so..
Magically every member of the house under 13 wakes up at the crack of dawn, gets all there homework done without a murmur from me and cleans there room. Where school usually takes them until noon each day on fridays they are doe by 9:30. Breakfast is eaten and the table cleared (Something the have to be reminded to do at every other meal all week). Rooms cleaned, no fighting, maybe a little teamwork going on.
There pay off... MEDIA.... I allow them to play on the computer or Wii on fridays (in turn, and in 1 hour incraments) and we conclude the night with a family movie and popcorn.
But whats frustrating is that they CHOOSE not to do these things any other day.. They pretend they dont even know what day it is (sometimes what month it is), they forget they had to do math as a subject, they forget where the laundryroom is and where the garbage cans are located, they forget we have dogs that need to be fed, that there is no maid that is going to clear the table for them, that the point of eating is to get the food into your mouth not all over the table and floor before you.
AHHHH BUT ON FRIDAY!!! They are amazing!
On the upside i should be thankful that they are this productive at any point but i'm just not one of those positive people. Perhaps we should do this more than once a week? I wonder if it would have the same effect?
Maybe a media wednesday? I hate to have them on the computer to much... Maybe a craft instead? That would be of no interest to the older ones... We read a book together everyday so I cant entice them with that... I dont leave the house so no trips anywhere... Maybe a cartoon night? It is so hard to find cartoons that are apropriate though...
I will need to think on this.
As one point we had a Monday and Thursday night cleaning night in addition to the Friday cleaning (which was then on Saturday morning) but I found they wouldnt do anything at any other point, They wouldne hang there jackets up, pick up a paper if they dropped it, put anything in a laundry basket. They were convinced that they would have something to clean on Mon and Thursday if they just left it.
Ohhh the logic.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Pressing..
So as the emotions of these fabulous pregnancies creep up and disappear during the third trimester I am finding that where I usually feel rage, excitement and exhaustion I seem to be feeling dis pare and absolute terror. I am afraid of everything lately.
I am finding it hard to even leave the house.This winter was unusually mild but I am TERRIFIED of what next winter will bring. Our Econoline is large, somewhat like a brick wall and as the wind hits it it swerves. Now Superman of course has no problem driving it because he is used to driving grain trucks and semi trailers, but I have problems driving it. So if the wind is blowing above say 25km, i wont drive. Our road is gravel and with the floods of last spring it has low spots and loose gravel. When it rains even the slightest bit there gets to be mud and the back end of the van being so light has a tendency to swerve. So if its windy or snowy or has rained in the last 48 hours we don't go anywhere. We are coming into our windy season now and I am coming up to my due date. I am afraid i am going to have this baby at home because i wont make it to the hospital, in the car because we wont quite make it to the hospital or alone because Superman will be hours away at work and the kids will need someone to watch them.
Last night I brought all the kids and my mattresses downstairs because there was yet again another storm. I hate to have the kids wake up screaming by the howling wind, or crawling in with me because they are scared so everyone sleeps better when we are in the middle of the house where the wind cant be heard. I feel safer, as though if we need to evacuate of run for cover at least I know where to find them all. But thats just it... Say there were a tornado which we have seen here before... I cant get them out of the house because I cant drive the van in the wind. We are only able to go to our basement and wait out the storm.
Are my fears irrational? I assure you they are not, a mans farm not far from here was destroyed by tornado. We lost everything to a house fire. SH@# happens!
Honestly I wanted to move months ago but in reality i was just testing the water, if there was anything that could keep me here it would. but really there is NOTHING!
Due to recent events we have reorganized our education plans for the kids and we have agreed that each child is in need of an exterior outlet. Learning piano maybe, or dance, or some sort of group outlet for the older ones to feel like they are part of a PEER group. Unfortunately there is no way to do this. Superman is home 6 days out of 21 and I wont drive in wet, wind or snow... We live in Saskatchewan!!!
This is not the education I intended for our children. Our farm is just for lack of a positive thing to say.. "Just not working out" We will have our sheep sold in the week to come and our Cow will be butchered in the fall so there are no animals. Our garden is a no start this year as I will be 9 months pregnant and unable to care for it. So that leaves the "farm" completely baron. 18 acres of wild grasses and all the upkeep that it entails.
I'm at my wits end with a never ending to do list and no energy to accomplish it. I have looked at some houses on Vancouver Island and other than the fact that for a decent 2-3 acre parcel with 4 bedrooms we are looking at 600k to 800k. I realize that I REALLY don't want an acreage. I like privacy, I like to be able to yell and scream to the kids to come inside and let the kids play and scream all they want,to run and not worry about traffic. However, I also want there to be someone around to teach them the piano, a pool to swim in, somewhere to take them to do SOMETHING, a DECENT school system, a hospital within a 20 minute drive, PAVED ROADS!!!
I'm tired and frustrated and ready to give up. But really how does one give up? Stop getting up in the morning? What a disaster that would be. Run away ( only if there is no precipitation, snow or wind.. that slightly narrows the window), maybe get up off the lazy ars and change something...
I am happy paying off our loan and having enough for a small down payment, I could move in a truck at this point. Me the kids and there favorite blankets, my ipod, compost bucket(i like it) and Birdies potty seat. Superman thinks I am throwing it all away, he says its more complicated than that. I disagree. Change is only as hard as you make it. We would have everything that was important!
I am finding it hard to even leave the house.This winter was unusually mild but I am TERRIFIED of what next winter will bring. Our Econoline is large, somewhat like a brick wall and as the wind hits it it swerves. Now Superman of course has no problem driving it because he is used to driving grain trucks and semi trailers, but I have problems driving it. So if the wind is blowing above say 25km, i wont drive. Our road is gravel and with the floods of last spring it has low spots and loose gravel. When it rains even the slightest bit there gets to be mud and the back end of the van being so light has a tendency to swerve. So if its windy or snowy or has rained in the last 48 hours we don't go anywhere. We are coming into our windy season now and I am coming up to my due date. I am afraid i am going to have this baby at home because i wont make it to the hospital, in the car because we wont quite make it to the hospital or alone because Superman will be hours away at work and the kids will need someone to watch them.
Last night I brought all the kids and my mattresses downstairs because there was yet again another storm. I hate to have the kids wake up screaming by the howling wind, or crawling in with me because they are scared so everyone sleeps better when we are in the middle of the house where the wind cant be heard. I feel safer, as though if we need to evacuate of run for cover at least I know where to find them all. But thats just it... Say there were a tornado which we have seen here before... I cant get them out of the house because I cant drive the van in the wind. We are only able to go to our basement and wait out the storm.
Are my fears irrational? I assure you they are not, a mans farm not far from here was destroyed by tornado. We lost everything to a house fire. SH@# happens!
Honestly I wanted to move months ago but in reality i was just testing the water, if there was anything that could keep me here it would. but really there is NOTHING!
Due to recent events we have reorganized our education plans for the kids and we have agreed that each child is in need of an exterior outlet. Learning piano maybe, or dance, or some sort of group outlet for the older ones to feel like they are part of a PEER group. Unfortunately there is no way to do this. Superman is home 6 days out of 21 and I wont drive in wet, wind or snow... We live in Saskatchewan!!!
This is not the education I intended for our children. Our farm is just for lack of a positive thing to say.. "Just not working out" We will have our sheep sold in the week to come and our Cow will be butchered in the fall so there are no animals. Our garden is a no start this year as I will be 9 months pregnant and unable to care for it. So that leaves the "farm" completely baron. 18 acres of wild grasses and all the upkeep that it entails.
I'm at my wits end with a never ending to do list and no energy to accomplish it. I have looked at some houses on Vancouver Island and other than the fact that for a decent 2-3 acre parcel with 4 bedrooms we are looking at 600k to 800k. I realize that I REALLY don't want an acreage. I like privacy, I like to be able to yell and scream to the kids to come inside and let the kids play and scream all they want,to run and not worry about traffic. However, I also want there to be someone around to teach them the piano, a pool to swim in, somewhere to take them to do SOMETHING, a DECENT school system, a hospital within a 20 minute drive, PAVED ROADS!!!
I'm tired and frustrated and ready to give up. But really how does one give up? Stop getting up in the morning? What a disaster that would be. Run away ( only if there is no precipitation, snow or wind.. that slightly narrows the window), maybe get up off the lazy ars and change something...
I am happy paying off our loan and having enough for a small down payment, I could move in a truck at this point. Me the kids and there favorite blankets, my ipod, compost bucket(i like it) and Birdies potty seat. Superman thinks I am throwing it all away, he says its more complicated than that. I disagree. Change is only as hard as you make it. We would have everything that was important!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
And what did you do today?
Rather what was done this week would make for a better post. Let me just start by saying today was the most beautiful day! Sunshine, very little wind. We went for a walk, I sat outside and read some coursework while the kids played on the swings and generally ran a muck. It was a great day.
This week in general has been good. It had its pitfalls be sure but Superman and I had to talk about somethings to do with the kids education and social situations and I really feel like we talked. We managed to figure it all out, no hard feelings. No guilt, just two grown ups making a joint decision and sticking to our guns... That never happens with us. Usually there is blame or at least sarcasm and competition involved but this time.. Its all good. Mkes me feel a little old...
So as Big Dog is heading into Eighth Grade this coming year and he seams to be starving for peer interaction we have decided to put him in public school. For the long term. He seems excited and relieved at the same time Hes lonely and he needs to have friends. This way he will get a graduation certificate and a better chance at getting into a college in Canada. He will also be attending Summer Camp. He has gone for the past two years to a camp in Wolsley, SK he had a load of fun but it was a cowboy camp and thats just one thing he is not... a cowboy. So this year we are trying a camp located in the Qu'appelle valley that is more geared toward canoeing, sailing, and all things water... He will be sun burned but happy when he returns i am sure. Hes already talking about his image for school, what kind of clothes he should get, if he should dye his hair. He hopes his braces will be off by then. Frankly, so do I.. No one likes a spitter... Its much worse with the braces on...
As for our other children I scavenged all the catalogues and planned next years curriculum. Without having to buy new curriculum for Big Dog and using the same curriculum I used for his earlier years, with all new workbooks for each child my home school budget will go from almost 4ooo.oo to 350.00. Of course the clothing and all the gear for public school will cot something but I think I will still walk away saving a bunch.
On the pregnancy front those not so painless Braxton Hicks have begun and are hitting me with avengance... I must be really out of shape. Gives me time to practice breathing exercises i suppose. I feel huge and my leg looks a lot worse than it feels.. Yep.. this is the last trimester.We are thinking of a planned induction (the same thing we have done for our last two). Although we dont have to worry about getting there in a snowstorm, we will still need to worry about getting there. My mother is not taking time off and without knowing a when it would be unlikely that Superman would be around either. If I were to call my mother with a "My water broke" and she were at work it would take her about an hour and a half to make it to the kids, while I drive myself of IF Superman is around he would drive me in. Now I do have a friend in a nearby town that I am sure I could call on but with 6 children of her own i'm sure there would be delegating to do before she could get to me and get me to the hospital. The hospital is approximately 45 minutes away from my door to the ER or Main admitting door.. However considering my births average about 4 hours I believe that by the time i actually called anyone and believed that it was the real thing we would have about an hour until the pushing stage. It is not uncommon in this country to have babies in cars on route to the hospital... I DO NOT WANT THAT TO BE ME! So a planned induction at 38 weeks seems like the right thing to do. Have to see what the Dr says closer to i suppose.
Good tidings, the potty beckons...
This week in general has been good. It had its pitfalls be sure but Superman and I had to talk about somethings to do with the kids education and social situations and I really feel like we talked. We managed to figure it all out, no hard feelings. No guilt, just two grown ups making a joint decision and sticking to our guns... That never happens with us. Usually there is blame or at least sarcasm and competition involved but this time.. Its all good. Mkes me feel a little old...
So as Big Dog is heading into Eighth Grade this coming year and he seams to be starving for peer interaction we have decided to put him in public school. For the long term. He seems excited and relieved at the same time Hes lonely and he needs to have friends. This way he will get a graduation certificate and a better chance at getting into a college in Canada. He will also be attending Summer Camp. He has gone for the past two years to a camp in Wolsley, SK he had a load of fun but it was a cowboy camp and thats just one thing he is not... a cowboy. So this year we are trying a camp located in the Qu'appelle valley that is more geared toward canoeing, sailing, and all things water... He will be sun burned but happy when he returns i am sure. Hes already talking about his image for school, what kind of clothes he should get, if he should dye his hair. He hopes his braces will be off by then. Frankly, so do I.. No one likes a spitter... Its much worse with the braces on...
As for our other children I scavenged all the catalogues and planned next years curriculum. Without having to buy new curriculum for Big Dog and using the same curriculum I used for his earlier years, with all new workbooks for each child my home school budget will go from almost 4ooo.oo to 350.00. Of course the clothing and all the gear for public school will cot something but I think I will still walk away saving a bunch.
On the pregnancy front those not so painless Braxton Hicks have begun and are hitting me with avengance... I must be really out of shape. Gives me time to practice breathing exercises i suppose. I feel huge and my leg looks a lot worse than it feels.. Yep.. this is the last trimester.We are thinking of a planned induction (the same thing we have done for our last two). Although we dont have to worry about getting there in a snowstorm, we will still need to worry about getting there. My mother is not taking time off and without knowing a when it would be unlikely that Superman would be around either. If I were to call my mother with a "My water broke" and she were at work it would take her about an hour and a half to make it to the kids, while I drive myself of IF Superman is around he would drive me in. Now I do have a friend in a nearby town that I am sure I could call on but with 6 children of her own i'm sure there would be delegating to do before she could get to me and get me to the hospital. The hospital is approximately 45 minutes away from my door to the ER or Main admitting door.. However considering my births average about 4 hours I believe that by the time i actually called anyone and believed that it was the real thing we would have about an hour until the pushing stage. It is not uncommon in this country to have babies in cars on route to the hospital... I DO NOT WANT THAT TO BE ME! So a planned induction at 38 weeks seems like the right thing to do. Have to see what the Dr says closer to i suppose.
Good tidings, the potty beckons...
Friday, April 13, 2012
A break from insanity..
Ohh how those hormones do rage...
One day I'm a normal person and them BOOM the world is against me and I am drowning in my own hormonal imbalances.... Its a bit tiring.. It involves lots of apologizing when you are stable but sometimes it seems okay to be your own Soap Opera/ Roller Coaster...
So back to normal.. Hopefully for a while.. Exercising everyday. Intrigued by the idea of "Crossfit". Hove you seen this? Basically its the training that they do in the military. Super boot camp, no mercy type of stuff. The premise "Its supposed to hurt, and you are supposed to push yourself!" The women that I have seen doing this are pretty buff! But still feminine.. II hae never rally liked the long lean prospect of being a yoga momma because being so tall i think it would make me look flimsy... But buff, STRONG I could totally do...
I was inspired by a woman who blogs at "The Story of a Lifetime" She has 11 children and 11 days post partum from number 11 she gets back into her size 8s! Not because she has been buff and naturally thin her whole life but because she really works hard to be strong. She has even gone as far as to post pictures of her abdominals.... Now thats a gutsy chic!
So I have read all the articles that pregnancy is a time to take it easy and not overdue it and I dont want to hurt anything so obviously I will take it easy until Baby comes but then.... OHHH BABYY!!
I usually don't have a hard time getting back to my pre pregnancy weight but i think that the Power 90 lots of exercise route will help it be an even smoother transition.
So lets be clear... I am NOT FIT! I am not lazy, not obese, not weak, but definitely not FIT. I am careful when I lift things, or I get others to lift them for me.. My back is weak, but my pain tolerance is quite high.. I have varicose veins in one leg that get so bad when i am pregnant that i have to wear layers and layers of socks on one foot because they bulge in the arch of my foot and inhibit walking. Super fun. My blood pressure is low.... like 90/60 low even lower in trimester 2 of pregnancy. I get dizzy, and faint. I need to drink a gallon of water a day to keep my pressure to that height and constantly have to pee!
So this journey will not be swift, its not a quick fix.. It will be just that... A JOURNEY! This crossfit looks really hard. So I am going to work it like this... I have the Original Power 90 DVDs from my fourth baby back in 2005 and I do them post partum each baby, but not everyday like is suggested... So that's where we will start. After Baby I will heal.. then do Power 90 on the schedule and then after 90 days see where i'm at. Next step after that I am thinking will be Power 90 X and then Crossfit...
Sort of like training for a marathon I will train to start Crossfit... The ultimate goal for me...
TO DO TEN PULL UPS!! In a row... and with ease... That would be awesome or to be able to climb one of those gym ropes that hang from the ceiling... I have NEVER been able to do that...
Ahhh dreams...
I am so thankful to be having a summer baby! I can go for walks, and breathe fresh air and not have to worry about keeping my newborn warm and bundled. Not confined to the house for months...
And now back to insanity....
One day I'm a normal person and them BOOM the world is against me and I am drowning in my own hormonal imbalances.... Its a bit tiring.. It involves lots of apologizing when you are stable but sometimes it seems okay to be your own Soap Opera/ Roller Coaster...
So back to normal.. Hopefully for a while.. Exercising everyday. Intrigued by the idea of "Crossfit". Hove you seen this? Basically its the training that they do in the military. Super boot camp, no mercy type of stuff. The premise "Its supposed to hurt, and you are supposed to push yourself!" The women that I have seen doing this are pretty buff! But still feminine.. II hae never rally liked the long lean prospect of being a yoga momma because being so tall i think it would make me look flimsy... But buff, STRONG I could totally do...
I was inspired by a woman who blogs at "The Story of a Lifetime" She has 11 children and 11 days post partum from number 11 she gets back into her size 8s! Not because she has been buff and naturally thin her whole life but because she really works hard to be strong. She has even gone as far as to post pictures of her abdominals.... Now thats a gutsy chic!
So I have read all the articles that pregnancy is a time to take it easy and not overdue it and I dont want to hurt anything so obviously I will take it easy until Baby comes but then.... OHHH BABYY!!
I usually don't have a hard time getting back to my pre pregnancy weight but i think that the Power 90 lots of exercise route will help it be an even smoother transition.
So lets be clear... I am NOT FIT! I am not lazy, not obese, not weak, but definitely not FIT. I am careful when I lift things, or I get others to lift them for me.. My back is weak, but my pain tolerance is quite high.. I have varicose veins in one leg that get so bad when i am pregnant that i have to wear layers and layers of socks on one foot because they bulge in the arch of my foot and inhibit walking. Super fun. My blood pressure is low.... like 90/60 low even lower in trimester 2 of pregnancy. I get dizzy, and faint. I need to drink a gallon of water a day to keep my pressure to that height and constantly have to pee!
So this journey will not be swift, its not a quick fix.. It will be just that... A JOURNEY! This crossfit looks really hard. So I am going to work it like this... I have the Original Power 90 DVDs from my fourth baby back in 2005 and I do them post partum each baby, but not everyday like is suggested... So that's where we will start. After Baby I will heal.. then do Power 90 on the schedule and then after 90 days see where i'm at. Next step after that I am thinking will be Power 90 X and then Crossfit...
Sort of like training for a marathon I will train to start Crossfit... The ultimate goal for me...
TO DO TEN PULL UPS!! In a row... and with ease... That would be awesome or to be able to climb one of those gym ropes that hang from the ceiling... I have NEVER been able to do that...
Ahhh dreams...
I am so thankful to be having a summer baby! I can go for walks, and breathe fresh air and not have to worry about keeping my newborn warm and bundled. Not confined to the house for months...
And now back to insanity....
Sunday, April 8, 2012
The blizzard rolls through..
Thursday this week we spent the day outside, eating DQ dilly bars because it was sooo hot, and we were all parched. We spread a blanket and just enjoyed the day. Something I haven't done in ages. Birdie and I watched the others play a game of kickball and it was just an absolutely delightful day. Something we needed. We needed to smile and laugh and be outside. Despite its mildness it has been a long winter.
Then Thursday night it gets windy... Friday morning it begins to snow and by nightfall we have winds at 45k gusting to 60. We moved all the mattresses into our living room and co slept for the next two nights, watching movies and trying to keep high spirits through the storm.
Its Sunday now and although still windy my nerves are hot, I can not have them all in one room anymore and my efforts for togetherness have turned into each of them having a rotten attitude and not being able to cope with the days comings. They want.. they want... they want...
She did... he did... they were.... I want.... Tell them to stop.... You "Better" go tell her/him to....
SSSSSSHHHHHHH.....
Its Sunday.. remember the sabbath.. The day we are supposed to be thinking of others, enjoying the day with God... REMEMBER!?!?
Not so much around here. I am thinking it is going to continue to be a rough day despite my chocolate chip pancake with whip cream breakfast..
I was inclined to give them their Easter baskets yesterday so the little ones would have new things to keep them occupied in our tight space.. Which worked but for the older ones it just caused possession and turf wars.
Hopefully they all make it through the day with all limbs still attached and no serious injuries... So far we have had a biting incident, a butter knife threat (ohhh 2 year olds), three or four temper tantrums, a two stair fall (more like dramatic roll), and a face two inch from another evil eye screaming fight.... And the Prim has just informed me.... Ms. Proper has stated "She doesn't deserve to be alive" ( A little drama after being sent to your room for hitting your sister because " She was just about to do something rude.... I know it" )
Ahh the joy of being a mother of many. I have to learn to laugh more about things.. instead of at them...
Well linen to wash and chores to be done.. Pregnancy update for 28 weeks... My back is killing me from sleeping on a mattress on the floor with two kids crammed in my armpits, but other than that... I cant complain. I feel wonderful. I have been lifting some 4lb weights a couple of times a day and trying to get in a 30 minute walk each day. Each days exercise totaling about 30 min cardio and 2-3 sets of upper and lower body exercises. I feel like its helping my circulation which is usually my worst complaint. The younger kids are learning to walk on there own and understand that mom cant carry them for a little while. I am finding that my limbs are going a bit tingly or numb when I sit cross legged or lie on my sides but i think that comes with this stage of pregnancy. A little nausea, and dizziness from low blood pressure but all in all a good week physically. ONLY 12 MORE TO GO!!!
Then Thursday night it gets windy... Friday morning it begins to snow and by nightfall we have winds at 45k gusting to 60. We moved all the mattresses into our living room and co slept for the next two nights, watching movies and trying to keep high spirits through the storm.
Its Sunday now and although still windy my nerves are hot, I can not have them all in one room anymore and my efforts for togetherness have turned into each of them having a rotten attitude and not being able to cope with the days comings. They want.. they want... they want...
She did... he did... they were.... I want.... Tell them to stop.... You "Better" go tell her/him to....
SSSSSSHHHHHHH.....
Its Sunday.. remember the sabbath.. The day we are supposed to be thinking of others, enjoying the day with God... REMEMBER!?!?
Not so much around here. I am thinking it is going to continue to be a rough day despite my chocolate chip pancake with whip cream breakfast..
I was inclined to give them their Easter baskets yesterday so the little ones would have new things to keep them occupied in our tight space.. Which worked but for the older ones it just caused possession and turf wars.
Hopefully they all make it through the day with all limbs still attached and no serious injuries... So far we have had a biting incident, a butter knife threat (ohhh 2 year olds), three or four temper tantrums, a two stair fall (more like dramatic roll), and a face two inch from another evil eye screaming fight.... And the Prim has just informed me.... Ms. Proper has stated "She doesn't deserve to be alive" ( A little drama after being sent to your room for hitting your sister because " She was just about to do something rude.... I know it" )
Ahh the joy of being a mother of many. I have to learn to laugh more about things.. instead of at them...
Well linen to wash and chores to be done.. Pregnancy update for 28 weeks... My back is killing me from sleeping on a mattress on the floor with two kids crammed in my armpits, but other than that... I cant complain. I feel wonderful. I have been lifting some 4lb weights a couple of times a day and trying to get in a 30 minute walk each day. Each days exercise totaling about 30 min cardio and 2-3 sets of upper and lower body exercises. I feel like its helping my circulation which is usually my worst complaint. The younger kids are learning to walk on there own and understand that mom cant carry them for a little while. I am finding that my limbs are going a bit tingly or numb when I sit cross legged or lie on my sides but i think that comes with this stage of pregnancy. A little nausea, and dizziness from low blood pressure but all in all a good week physically. ONLY 12 MORE TO GO!!!
HAPPY EASTER !!!
Decorated eggs by our clan... Or at least whats left of the two doen that we started with....
Helping with the laundry? I see a squatter in the basket contaminating the socks with cat fur for all of us that are allergic... But at least shes smiling... And monkey boy of course CLIMBED onto the dryer and cackles when he realizes that hes busted for not helping....
Yeah baby, thats natural..... alllllll natural.
J-Bears attempt at an angry face.... No matter what he still looks cute.... Darn that being blessed with good looks... darn it all!!!
Friday, April 6, 2012
If it were all about me...
Sometimes I feel as though GOD has this amazing hold on my life. Now obviously he is GOD so he can do what he likes but one cant help but think for the most part that hes there for Birthdays and Christmas but not REALLY there every moment, right?
Except when you want to do something... Like go somewhere... alone.... without kids... and maybe have an opportunity to do something that may scare you a bit but would (in your mind) do you some good.
Yeah your scared and nervous about being out of your comfort zone but you are ready to handle it.....
And then GOD steps in... like an outraged father and says... "uhh.. no way sweetheart... You are not going anywhere"
That's where I seem to be stuck right now...
I was denied from a program that I applied too (actually the woman on the phone did her best not to laugh at me but I could literally here her snicker as she dumbed it up for the silly dropout she was speaking to on the phone.)
I was all gung-ho to get involved in a market in a nearby town and the night before, everything i touch turns to crap, some of the kids have fevers, I cant seem to find anything I am looking for and every time i turn my back something else is being trashed, or spilled, or someone else is vomiting or running for the toilet. Not to mention the Winter Storm Warning posted for our area and the fact that the winds will be gusting to 60 while I attempt to drive my "high roll over risk" Econoline through it, to leave my children with a babysitter, when I know they are going to freak out and the two I am taking with me are going to be the death of my pocketbook.
And a long term project. That consists of me doing some courses and HOPEFULLY getting into a different program that I applied for, planning and follow through for a huge undertaking, and trying to overcome my fears of EVERYTHING in the process.
Is it possible that if I just stayed home and never planner to help out or do anything that just benefited me on the short term that the weather may cooperate and the children wouldn't be sick as much? It seems that way... I cant remember a time when I have gone anywhere that wasn't tainted by vomit or monumental aggravation.
Its just so much easier to stay home... To not even bother, at this point I should know when I sign up for these things that I will let everyone down.
Then something in my head starts the wheels turning... Who do I think I am? Like anyone even cares if you show up or don't.... Like I am soooo important... uhh no honey I think not... No one will be disappointed because they expect you to fail and quit. You always do. That's what makes me me.
I used to be sooo organized and sooo... dare I say the word.... content !?!.. maybe that's not it because I was always looking for change... Maybe happy... I think although I did have a tendency to do things without thinking I for the most part smiled, I enjoyed my children, I liked schooling them, caring for them, doing crafts with them... I remember being a mom of four (with 2 under 2) and going to a friends house that had 6 children. We were having kind of co op home school day, and I brought crafts...She looked at me with such fear in her eyes.. Absolute dis belief and said "No way we are doing that in my house." I remember being taken back... Isn't it soooo important to make sure these kidlets have an artistic outlet. I mean how much mess could glitter be with 10 kids....
But now I know... I don't do crafts anymore without written contract to the job descriptions of cleaning up the project when its over, and who those jobs belong too.
It becomes more difficult to go places with more children if you allow it to. I have most definitely allowed myself to develop a fear of taking them anywhere or doing anything with them... Now when I try to do something with out them that Fear multiplies itself by every person in the house. The two youngest cling and lose sleep and the other four begin to plot all the things they can do when the mean lady heads out...
I feel stuck... I want to be educated, I want to be proud of myself, for my children to learn that education is a life process and see the struggles that I have to overcome because of poor choices made in high school. I want to do things with them. To not be afraid. To be.....
Who knows.....
Its dark here in my mind... I have to finish a course that I obviously jumped the gun on and will count for nothing. Start two new courses that will HOPEFULLY NOT be a total waste of my time, To finish a box full of crafts for a market I am unlikely to ever be able to attend, let down my two only friends, and come come to terms with the fact that I am TERRIFIED of living in this house with the weather that is due to come, and too lazy and exhausted or skilled to do anything to help the situation.
As the winds howl outside I wonder what I am to learn from this... Fear is a constant? Have more faith? Don't bother trying to do things that take me away from my children EVER?
I have NO IDEA what I am supposed to do and it consumes me... Pray and Pray and Pray I do and it gets more confusing and more self defeating with each day... And a baby due to arrive in about 90 days....
What a life...
Except when you want to do something... Like go somewhere... alone.... without kids... and maybe have an opportunity to do something that may scare you a bit but would (in your mind) do you some good.
Yeah your scared and nervous about being out of your comfort zone but you are ready to handle it.....
And then GOD steps in... like an outraged father and says... "uhh.. no way sweetheart... You are not going anywhere"
That's where I seem to be stuck right now...
I was denied from a program that I applied too (actually the woman on the phone did her best not to laugh at me but I could literally here her snicker as she dumbed it up for the silly dropout she was speaking to on the phone.)
I was all gung-ho to get involved in a market in a nearby town and the night before, everything i touch turns to crap, some of the kids have fevers, I cant seem to find anything I am looking for and every time i turn my back something else is being trashed, or spilled, or someone else is vomiting or running for the toilet. Not to mention the Winter Storm Warning posted for our area and the fact that the winds will be gusting to 60 while I attempt to drive my "high roll over risk" Econoline through it, to leave my children with a babysitter, when I know they are going to freak out and the two I am taking with me are going to be the death of my pocketbook.
And a long term project. That consists of me doing some courses and HOPEFULLY getting into a different program that I applied for, planning and follow through for a huge undertaking, and trying to overcome my fears of EVERYTHING in the process.
Is it possible that if I just stayed home and never planner to help out or do anything that just benefited me on the short term that the weather may cooperate and the children wouldn't be sick as much? It seems that way... I cant remember a time when I have gone anywhere that wasn't tainted by vomit or monumental aggravation.
Its just so much easier to stay home... To not even bother, at this point I should know when I sign up for these things that I will let everyone down.
Then something in my head starts the wheels turning... Who do I think I am? Like anyone even cares if you show up or don't.... Like I am soooo important... uhh no honey I think not... No one will be disappointed because they expect you to fail and quit. You always do. That's what makes me me.
I used to be sooo organized and sooo... dare I say the word.... content !?!.. maybe that's not it because I was always looking for change... Maybe happy... I think although I did have a tendency to do things without thinking I for the most part smiled, I enjoyed my children, I liked schooling them, caring for them, doing crafts with them... I remember being a mom of four (with 2 under 2) and going to a friends house that had 6 children. We were having kind of co op home school day, and I brought crafts...She looked at me with such fear in her eyes.. Absolute dis belief and said "No way we are doing that in my house." I remember being taken back... Isn't it soooo important to make sure these kidlets have an artistic outlet. I mean how much mess could glitter be with 10 kids....
But now I know... I don't do crafts anymore without written contract to the job descriptions of cleaning up the project when its over, and who those jobs belong too.
It becomes more difficult to go places with more children if you allow it to. I have most definitely allowed myself to develop a fear of taking them anywhere or doing anything with them... Now when I try to do something with out them that Fear multiplies itself by every person in the house. The two youngest cling and lose sleep and the other four begin to plot all the things they can do when the mean lady heads out...
I feel stuck... I want to be educated, I want to be proud of myself, for my children to learn that education is a life process and see the struggles that I have to overcome because of poor choices made in high school. I want to do things with them. To not be afraid. To be.....
Who knows.....
Its dark here in my mind... I have to finish a course that I obviously jumped the gun on and will count for nothing. Start two new courses that will HOPEFULLY NOT be a total waste of my time, To finish a box full of crafts for a market I am unlikely to ever be able to attend, let down my two only friends, and come come to terms with the fact that I am TERRIFIED of living in this house with the weather that is due to come, and too lazy and exhausted or skilled to do anything to help the situation.
As the winds howl outside I wonder what I am to learn from this... Fear is a constant? Have more faith? Don't bother trying to do things that take me away from my children EVER?
I have NO IDEA what I am supposed to do and it consumes me... Pray and Pray and Pray I do and it gets more confusing and more self defeating with each day... And a baby due to arrive in about 90 days....
What a life...
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Oh that time does fly...
Days are getting longer on the prairie but it seems as though we are losing time. We wake get breakfast, get some school done, have lunch, the kids play outside, its time for dinner, then bathes, reading and bed. The same routine over and over without much deviation. Thankfully things are getting done.
Last week when I went to the Doctor he told me I am gaining weight to fast. To which I replied "well maybe its time to refer me to my OBGYN now..." I have gained 25 lbs.. But in my defense I think I was having a fat day (seriously) my scale at home a week later says 176 which is 6 lbs under my Dr visit weight. Anyways whatever.. I'm going to gain more and then I will have to lose it just like every other pregnancy so "What of it?" Dr.A seemed rather concerned, he told me of the risks of preeclampcia and all of the awful things i was doing to my body by being overweight... Then as he took my blood pressure 96/70 he says "You should really up your fluid intake, a consistent low blood pressure is a bad thing you know, I'd like to see it a little higher come next appointment" SO... Make up your mind buddy!
I left no more knowledgeable then i entered.
I have some pictures for your viewing pleasure... Our kitchen "PHASE 1" complete. Base cabinets and counter tops. A picture of my overweight 27 week preggo body, and maybe some other stuff...
Last week when I went to the Doctor he told me I am gaining weight to fast. To which I replied "well maybe its time to refer me to my OBGYN now..." I have gained 25 lbs.. But in my defense I think I was having a fat day (seriously) my scale at home a week later says 176 which is 6 lbs under my Dr visit weight. Anyways whatever.. I'm going to gain more and then I will have to lose it just like every other pregnancy so "What of it?" Dr.A seemed rather concerned, he told me of the risks of preeclampcia and all of the awful things i was doing to my body by being overweight... Then as he took my blood pressure 96/70 he says "You should really up your fluid intake, a consistent low blood pressure is a bad thing you know, I'd like to see it a little higher come next appointment" SO... Make up your mind buddy!
I left no more knowledgeable then i entered.
I have some pictures for your viewing pleasure... Our kitchen "PHASE 1" complete. Base cabinets and counter tops. A picture of my overweight 27 week preggo body, and maybe some other stuff...
Dry fitting the sink
Superman ordered some super cool Stainless nosing. Great way to finish the edges for the novice tiler.
Its so shiny and pretty.. Easy to keep clean... I am lovin' it.
Putting it all together in our former Computer room.
Our lasy Susan (there are TWO) one on either side of the stove. I love them.
My belly WEEK 27. 13 weeks to go! Baby number 7 pregnancy number 8. I might just be vain but i don't think i'm all that huge... Its not a perfectly round belly, but really my body doesn't look normal even when i'm not pregnant... Check out the lack of posterior cushion.... Yeah.. I have an entire body part missing... NO BUTT at all.. Just a back and legs... Ahh the joys of body structure.
On a healthy note. Made my self a little work out routine that I can do while i'm with the kids . Weights with my little dumbbells in the kitchen while I cook, step ups on the stairs whenever i walk by the stairs, an oath to only sit when I'm reading to the kids, helping with homework or when my legs are burning so badly i cant stand to stand. Drinking lots of Raspberry and nettle tea (making Ice tea in a big jug and that's my water quota for the day) taking the kids for a walk down the country road everyday (for the past three..but its a start) Birdie is walking the whole way (quite proud of her), and trying to watch what i eat a little closer.. Laying off the bread, which i think is my only problem. More veggies and less bread. That ought to make a difference. I hope. Joined Babyfit.com which has a nutrition tracker and it totally free, so that's helping too.
We will have to wait another 13 weeks or so to see the product of these efforts but for the in term I feel good about what I am doing on a daily basis and the effort I'm putting into this pregnancy so I think that's all that matters...
Back to the hum drum...
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