Death becomes me....

And I'm not insinuating I look perdy today!!!

 Dead..... By mama

"Blurry kitty" by Big Dog

Death is........ everywhere today...

The smell of something dead in the boys room...

More dead chickens in the barn. (although i will say that the heritage chickens I received from Hidden River Ranch in Maple Creek are amazing! Not one has died... the hatchery ones.... not quite as hardy)

Dead plants... lots of dead plants...

(mostly killed by the "I'll get to that in a minute bug")

Death... it makes me feel bad...

I feel like i cant do anything when i fail... The money appears to be washing down the drain as we speak.....

So many plans this winter were made to produce... self sustain.... get it done... get up off my butt... I'm not going to be pregnant this season so i will be able to get so much done i thought...

Its off to a rough start!

I'm tired...

I want to drink Rum and sleep (I rarely do.... but i sure want to!)

I look at our close to empty bank account and think.... Crap I did that will all my stupid ideas!

Mr. Rigger says... "we are in this together you aren't to blame"

Yeah right!

I blame me... I wanted this. I said I could handle it. I got the super feminist "don't you worry little hubby mama will get it done" attitude and it back fired...

IT ALWAYS DOES!

But this time it cost us money, all at once...

This isn't like the crafting... I accumulated fabric and notions over time... a few dollars here and a few there...

and i produce things... napkins, dresses, doll clothes, stuff...

This was almost $1000.00 for lights, bulbs, wire, hay, feed, birds, etc...

Blown!

Of our 150 chickens and 20 turkeys the stats are currently

approx 70 chickens

maybe 1 turkey

I lost 95% of the turkeys!

they were 4.45 each!!!

pardon my language but WTF!!!!

I am feeling very discouraged...

Think of all the Avon i could have purchased for that amount of money! I could be painting my toenails and moisturizing but instead i am shovelling bodies into a box to be burned... yummy!

RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT!!!!!

Today is a crap day! On a positive note our Kitty had her babies so at least the dogs will have chew toys this summer.... wow.... that was a touch morbid....

Birdie Gail finally produced a bowel movement that she has been working on for four days... it smells like something died too.

I did the dishes this morning...

I don't remember if i brushed my teeth though....

Hmmmmm... what to do!

So since the Community Market is this weekend I am helping a friend bake today. I will be finishing up a few things while i am there and pricing things. It should be fun.... i hope.

Maybe today will be a Rum day....